Mr Nicholls

Mr "There are TWO types of structure" Nicholls

• Mr Nicholls was an ICT 'teacher'.

• Had a fascination with the young female members of his classes.

• Somehow always managed to drop his pen whilst standing near to said young females.

• Mr Nicholls was also well known for his rather southern accent (stands out like a sore thumb up north like) and his claim to not one, not two, not even 3, but 5 (yes, FIVE: IIIII) degrees. Anybody know what they were?

Quotes

• "The Scottish phone book is this thick [indicates that the book is slim with his hands] for an area this big [indicating large area with hands}, whereas the London phone book is this thick [indicating a large, thick book with his hands] for an area this big [indicating a small area]. That is what a computer file system is like".... All I learnt from Mr Nicholls in a year... Thank heavens for Mr Gray and Saltash cruiser club spreadsheets...

• At a yr7 Parents Evening...

Mr Nicholls: "I'm afraid I haven't seen your daughter's work file for the past 3 months".

Parent (pointing at daughters file on table): "What's that then?"

• "Today we will learn how traffic lights work" (yes we had now been learning this for two months) "OK then...the sequence is...red, red-amber, green, amber, red..red-amber green...everyone got that? OK, now MAKE THE COMPUTER DO IT".... (the exact same lesson twice a week from April to July in Year 7 for the group combining 7R and 7S of the 99 intake...yes the days when 'Triple Tech' still existed.)

• " What's your name? I'll tell you what it means in Arabic...then show you how to write it"....Kirsty Preston gives name.... "No your name is American, it has no Arabic meaning, fool."

• "It's like -two- pencils up my nose", referring to when he snook into a lab with a chum one lunchtime when at school (as a boy, or so we assume), and had a good proper sniff of a bottle of some substance. Smart, eh? (Note to year 7 students looking to try it: if you do, you may not live to an age where you can beat Mr Nicholls and be awarded your sixth degree. If you want to follow in his footsteps, go for the academic excellence, not the obvious stupidity. Everyone will be laughing, but not with you, if you get the jist.)

• "There are -two- types of structure" which turned out to be "Skeletal" and "Shell", later on. A lesson we'll never forget, though not for the teaching.

• "A pupil without a file log sheet is like a soldier without a rifle!"

• To a girl sitting right in front of him: "You boy! Yes, you!"

• "Can I snuggle in between you two?" (To two girls from the 95 intake in about Year 10 who were in the computer room doing some coursework)

• "She's such a foolish kitten!" (To one of the same two girls, talking about the other)

Pasttimes

• One of his favourite tricks in Triple Tech was to tell the class what they would be doing in the lesson after break during period 6, then repeat himself after break too, thus resulting in no work being done during the year.

• Not noticing that the entire back row (of the 99 intake 7S/7R Tech class) enjoyed shooting spitballs all around him whilst writing on the board, despite the wall around the board bearing a resemblance to pebble dashing by the end of the lesson (on one occasion, he only actually noticed when Mr Elmer pointed it out to him).

• Nor indeed noticing when said spitballs rebounded from his blazer. We had a lesson on blazers once. Something to do with a ship called the Blazer. This was nothing to do with technology, of course, but nothing was.

• Falling asleep in lessons.

• Not waking up when the spitballs rebounded from his head. (I'm sure this takes skill, but surely it's an inverse form of skill. Let's call it an Anti-Skill, but feel free to replace this with an antonym of "Skill" when you realise I've just failed to find it.)

• Making at least one class from the '98 intake turn the computers on and off 'safely' (Start, turn off computer...) several times until he was sure we understood and remembered the procedure.

Where did he go?

• Does Mr Nicholls class as a retired teacher or was he sacked? Anyone ever going to shed some light on this matter?

• Mr Nicholls was supposed to be a Year 8 form tutor for the 8R from the 99 intake..obviously they were devastated having suffered three months of traffic light lessons...however when September came they found Mr Ward as their form tutor who informed them Mr Nicholls was not 'returning' as he had a 'stroke'. However whenever he is mentioned to teachers they always refer to him as 'that dodgy old man'.

• It has also been suggested that Mr Nicholls was asked to leave when all his students failed their exams.

• Mr Nicholls WAS asked to leave, I've had this on good authority from a very senior member of staff since I left the school. There were murmurs in the class room about his behaviour towards female students...

• Back in 1998 we were regaled with the story of Nicholls marriage. It appears that he was tragically in love with a woman who left him. More painful still is the manner in which she did it. Convinced that she was visiting her ill mother the faithful old dog drove her to the Rail station and got her nestled on the train. As it pulled away she shouted out of the window that she was leaving him. He told us this, gave a manic laugh, his bulbous nose went a little redder for a moment, and the lesson continued!