Dave Elmer
Contents
Teacher of Technology
Mr Elmer, "Head of Technology" until 2005. He single handedly ran the Electronics Department, and had the job of bossing Mr Fitton and Mr Gray around. Considered one of the best electronics teachers in the region, if not the country, Mr Elmer had a unique approach to teaching: if you didn't want to learn, he didn't teach you. Admittedly, this meant that his sets often got a lower grade average than they could have, but he really didn't care.
Abuse Policy
Another of Mr Elmer's unique policies was the "Whatever you do to my workshop, I'll do to you!" promise. Simply put, if you nailed something into a bench, you'd get something nailed into you. Needless to say, Room 61 was one of the cleanest rooms in the school.
However, this brought rise to an interesting question, namely, "What would happen if I was to twiddle one of the knobs on the equipment?" Needless to say, no-one dared to find out.
Assemblies
Guitar. As soon as you saw an amp on the stage, you knew you were in for a fun assembly. Sure, he couldn't sing, but who cares? He got the point across, and that's all that really matters. Memorable songs include the one about his dead dog, during which he broke down into tears and could not continue
Elmer Canine
Mr Elmer used to bring his dog to school with him. A large yet friendly beast, it is rumored that this custom was forced to a close by the dog's unfortunate eating of Mrs Blow. The dog fell ill for a few days, and after regurgitating said Spanish teacher had to take early retirement from the world of education. He did make a reappearance in an assembly, to critical acclaim.
Disappearance
In September 2005, BRGS students returned after the Summer Holiday, only to find that the Tech Department's most valuable asset wasn't there. This made a lot of people very unhappy, and was widely regarded by students (past and present) as a travesty.
A year on, there is still no clear answer as to why he has never returned, and no clear successor. It seems increasingly likely that he was pressured into retirement. The low GCSE grades and the treasonous crime of making the school look bad are suspected to be prominent in the decision.
Another opinion, and probably more likely, was that of the A-level Electronics students, who assumed he'd been 'let go' due to the appalling grades suffered by the aforementioned students in the AS level exams. This was mainly due to the students being taught Electronics for a year (due to pestering Mr Elmer because all the other stuff was boring) before discovering that there were only 2 (total 15 mark) electronics questions on the 90-mark exam-paper. Needless to say, despite excellent efforts at the two pieces of coursework no single student achieved higher than a grade C. It's either that or the fact that the new head and Mr Elmer did not get along, or the fact that he seemed to spend half his life attempting to destroy a certain Samuel Birkin.
Another theory is that he left the school in disgust due to the cancellation of the electronics course.
Tributes
"Mr Elmer will be remembered by those who were taught by him and knew him as one of their greatest teachers. We wish him happiness wherever he is now, and whatever he is doing."
"There is a photo of this man in the dictionary to explain the word legend"
"Whoever ditched Elmer made a grave mistake. They dropped one of the best teachers in the school"
"I'd actually disagree. Plus, do you understand the meaning of the word "tribute"? Consider your contribution moved out of this section as of next week :)"
"The man responsible for my becoming obsessed with Bob Dylan, and probably music in general. A last stalwart for authoritarian education, there was no messing with Uncle Dave, 'cause you knew that if you did he would stab you with a craft knife or burn you with a soldering iron. Never a finer technology teacher did grace our fair (I use the term 'fair' losely) school... This really sounds like an obituary!"
"when i returned in september 2005 to school i was overjoyed to learn i would have mr elmer for tech for the year.... only to have my hopes, dreams and heart shattered by the news of his departure...... i had mr finnigan instead:("
