Mr Ward

Background

Mr Ward AKA "Father Christmas", "Rolf Harris" is seen by many of the students and teachers throughout the school as a complete and utter joke. His teaching style is known for being horrendously bad, and his mood unpredictable. However despite this, most of the school are fond of him and his gentle voice - in most peoples' minds giving him a resemblance to a panda. Common rumour is that he lives in the cupboard in Room 96 with Mr Parkinson and the infamous little dinner minion: Yorkshire Terrier. Apparently he knows German, Spanish, French, Russian, and is learning Urdu. He still hasn't got over his back injury but is now teaching again, albeit with a walking stick (not a crutch as most think).

On Film

Is a big fan of the movie 'Run Lola Run'. Has been known to show year nine classes French monkey cartoons on the curriculum for seven year-olds - allegedly accidentally swapping them for erotica on occasions.im conor porter. Mr. Ward is also a big fan of many other films (anything that can prove a good time-waster, yet look semi-educational) such as 'The bridge' a violent German Film where these teenage prats are trying to defend a stupid bridge from some American Troops. When Mr. Ward was asked what the age rating was, he said he didn't know, but lets just say they all got blown up/burnt/stabbed all to the excitement/horror of 8S. He also likes sitting 8S in front of Monty Python and laughing at it while everyone wonders what is going on. In lessons he likes to randomly search for German Videos on the internet, wich he quickly stopped after the IT office discovered these evil replicas. It seems Mr Ward and 8S both love watching videos, especially ich habe hunger (watched a total of 26 times in half a year)

Ich Habe Hunger

In a class teaching the 1997 intake in Year 8, Mr. Ward started to sing a song called "Ich Habe Hunger", halfway through this he collapsed, smacking his head on, and leaving a rather large dent in, a nearby cupboard. This was met with the cry of "Oh my God!, Mr. Wards dead!"

Teaching Style Discussion

Against

Mr Ward's teaching style is like his mood - erratic, unpredictable and of little use to anyone. Lower School lessons usually consist of 'writing a letter' to someone in German or French; or watching a video (usually 'Salut Serge'a French video for Primary School children, or 'Hallo aus Berlin' - a German video with cringe-worthy songs). Other cunning tricks include asking his watch whether it thinks the children should get lots of homework, and tailoring his sentences to the subject of the cover lesson he is taking, e.g. (Geography; volcanoes) "If you don't get on with your work, I'm going to ERUPT with anger." he likes to smack his hand vigourously and shout "NAUGHTY NAUGHTY!!!" also likes to pretend hes skiing around the classroom (faire du ski!) or pretending to ride a horse whilst spanking himself

Loves using the German Bob The Builder video. Seen by 9R 2006/07 AT LEAST 6 times while in Y8. Twice in one lesson once. This video is a very good time waster, and I reccomend to anyone having a dull German lesson with Mr Ward to ask for it. He can't refuse. It's also rather good, and fun to sing along to.

Likes to pretend he's a werewolf going awoooooo

Probably the rudest teacher at BRGS. Most students find him funnier whilst swearing or teaching them swear words in german.

For

"Contrary to popular belief, I found Herr Ward's teaching style genius! I still remember the "combing ze hair" and the "um de ecke is Boris Becker with his Black and Decker," and my personal favourite: "never say die". He taught us useful travel phrases such as "I have diarrhoea" and had a strange obsession with Meryl Streep to whom we had to write all our letters to!! His most useful teaching style and a credit to my results was mouthing the words to me in my oral exam! How can that be classed as of little use? Class act! Glad to see he is still there twelve years on!" - Anonymous

It is also noted that one of his GCSE students who scored an A then went on, after 2 years of almost no exposure to German language, to get a full 90/90 on an A-Level General Studies German paper. He was also the teacher of the resoundingly successful Nóra Egressy from the same GCSE German set.

Mr Ward also seems in some way or another break all the school rules in the space of one lesson. Having little control over 8S (or any other class) these lessons always result in great fun, a film and destroying the room all at the same time. He particularly favours Emily Oldfield's (8S) luchbox, from which he likes purple Smarties and grapes. To his dissapointment Mrs Ward has put him on a diet and he says he is not allowed any chocolate biscuits but grapes are his fruity 'drug'. However he lead a massive quote against berlinerweis (a german beer) so Lauren Jones wrote about Berlinerweis on her end of term test, adding a quick caption of 'even the biggest beer drinkers in england dont like it' followed by a picture of Mr Ward.

In an attempt to encourage answered from 07N, he once offered swear words in German for correct answers.

Appearance

like a koala bear: grey and furry!! Like Mr Ventress, Mr Ward typically wears one suit of clothes for the whole year. This usually consists of a plain blue shirt and a South Park tie (though he tie has been known to change to a festive Looney Tunes number around Christmas). His facial hair consumes most of his face, giving him an appearance similar to a bear, Ewok or Father Christmas. However in a recent year 10 German class he did tell them that "Mrs Ward doesn't like my blue shirt. You see I have 2 and she thinks that all the students think that I wear the same one every day." To which the class replied, "Yes everyone does!"

Favourite Students

Like many other teachers, Mr Ward claims that he has no favourite student. Recent studies have come to show however, that Felix Mulderrig and Joe Oliver have managed to steal the big lug's heart in a way that no lion tamer ever could. All it took was a carefully placed muffin and a good load of TLC. Good on those boys.

Quotes

Has been known to offer a £5 note to students that can get questions/heads or tails right. On one fine thursday afternoon a boy actually won a £5 note! But Mr Ward had to ruin it by saying "best of three"

• Mr Ward uses a warning system in his classes, for disruptive pupils. In the style of a German football referee:

"Gelber Karte" (Yellow Card)

"Rote Karte" (Red Card)

"Geh!" (Go!)

• "Shhtopaa!" (Stop)
• "Der, die, das becomes dem, der, dem."
• "Shnell!" (Qucikly/quick/quicker/fast/faster)
• Student:"Mr Ward's back!" Mr Ward:"Where?"
• "What's the answer?" Student:"F?" Mr W:"No." Student:"B?" Mr W:"I'll give you a clue, it's up." Student:"E?" Mr W:"No. It's A. A-up."
• "Gays go to the back." (Refering to past tense verbs, all of which begin with ge, pronounced 'gay' and they are always the last word in a sentence)
• "Itchy dust, he and she drinks tea, we and they, end in 'N'." (A way of remembering the last letters of present tense words, depending on who is doing the verb)
• "You're NAKED," whenever a student has imperfect uniform, or presumably on the off chance that a student is really naked.
• "There must be a poltergeist" said if the tables in his room have been moved... followed by ghost noises as he pulls them back into the correct places!
• "SALUT SERGE!"
• I'll sign your merits in 8 shakes of a guinea pigs tail!
• "Oh you're a cheeky one"
• "Ich(k) makes me sick" Instead we have to say ich(sh).
• "No weeing in class" or "Errrrrr, look at that wee on the floor!" when someone pronounces W as w in english rather than v.
• "Didn't you do well."
• "It's Raining men"
• "That purple Smartie has got me on a high"
• "This is NOT a strip club. I'll say again, THIS IS NOT A BLOODY STRIP CLUB!" Whenever someone has taken their blazer off before he enters the room.
• "Let's have a STOOOORIEEE!!"
• who wants to win a major cash prize? [usually 2p - 23p, occasionally 30p, Matthew Lewis once received £1]
• "Come on down" whenever he wants someone to come to the front of the class. (So thats where Mr Parkinson got it from!!)
• "You're good"
• "du schande!!"
• "you're a clever one"
• "Um de ecke mit Boris Becker"

said in a cover lesson yesterday: when being asked about which other teachers he sat with in the staff room.

• Student: Sir why you allways wear the same tie?

Mr Ward: As it is he only tie i have unless of course you aren't thinking about advent, as at christmas i get festive with a singing christmas tie.

Student: Do you like Mrs Sellens? Mr Ward: Yes, but don't tell Mrs Ward that.

• (After asking students to guess what the tape would say next and getting it right himself) JA! JA! WINDIG! WINDIG! *runs up and down the room pointing at people who guessed* DUMMKOPF! DUMMKOPF!
• Come on down!(In a cheesy game show voice) We've had that once already
• (whilst reading a text about a school trip (Klassenfahrt) to 2003's 7B in German) let's have a class fart
• "I have a dream...you open your exercise books and write TEST"
• "There was once a really good student who got an A in every exam, and then in the A-level exam a bee bit him on the bum."

• Ward:- Does it rain more in Germany or England?"

Student:- England...
Ward:- No, because in Germany das weather ist Wetter!(German for weather)

Ward: *walks into the room* GET OUT!! YES YOU!!

     (30 seconds later..)

Ward: *walks over to open door* What are you doing out here? Student: Er..you sent me here Ward: Oh ok then *slamms door and class laughs* or well you'd better come in then

• has been rumoured to have a double sided coin for the occasional heads or tails games in his classes.

Nicknames

Dr. Fashion(As he was wearing some fashionable *wink wink* sandals with some neon green socks)

Hallo aus Berlin

The best television programme ever. The series includes such infamous songs as 'einmal in der woche'. In one particular episode a teacher thinks it necessary to perv on young boys in the toilets. Featuring children such as 'Marco', 'Jurgen', and that nerd who goes to the zoo and talks to the animals. The best song is "Was ist deine leiblingsface?" OR "Meine familie", which Chris and Oli were singing all through Spanish, which pi**ed Will off! (We were actually just singing everything in that tune) The show features the very poorly animated adventures of 'Rolly und Rita', both of whom have abnormally flexible spines. If you haven't watched these tapes by the end of school then you are an empty person with no purpose in life. It's true. This has lead to a popular spoof, 'Hitler aus Berlin', in which a poorly animated Hitler has adventures in Berlin and sings songs like "It's a kind of Fascist", etc. There is a page on wikipedia about it. See [1]

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Now

He is currently not teaching at the school and nobody is 100% sure where he is. Although it is rumoured that he has cancer, but in fact he has a spine injury and fortunately (depending on how you look at it)he is not paralyzed. He has now, as of 17th December 2010, retired from BRGS, but will return for an assembly in the New Year to celebrate his retirement for the reason that he did not attend on the last day of term.