Mr Grant

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Supply teacher extraordinaire

Mr Grant is known to turn up as a supply teacher in almost any subject, since he is equally enthusiastic about every one. In a similar fashion to Doc Rob, Mr Grant appears to have a basic grounding in every discipline. Always pleasant and friendly, a lesson with him raises the spirits, just as his pulse rate rises thinking about... well, almost anything. He is well loved by all, and has been known to have a discussion about nuclear weapons for half a science lesson, and then describing how deadly the chemical/nuclear force in an apple could be if harnessed properly.

Subject specialism

Mr Grant's actual teaching speciality is unknown. He is rumoured to be a Chemistry teacher, but some consider this a subject that might contain too many interesting things, which could pose a health risk to Mr Grant if he were to accidentally enthuse about them all at once.


On of Mr Grants most useful traits is his habit of directing all his attention on one person, completly neglecting the rest of the class. This becomes especially useful if you wish to leave early, as he doesn't notice, even if half the class leaves. This was most noticable during one physics lesson, when all but the 3 members of the class, who he was talking at, walked out early. One student, Jonathan Gledhill, even managed to return to the class room 5 minutes later, to retrieve an oboe, and leave again without being noticed.


On temperature

  • "5 million Kelvin? Jee-sus that's hot!"
  • "10 million Kelvin? That's bloody hot!"
  • (reads '100 million Kelvin' on student's computer screen) "Sheeeee-it that's hot!"

On maths (during a two week period of cover)

  • "Well, I'm all right at Maths, but I've got a copy of the Guardian for us to read if we get bored."

On racing certainties

  • "You have my personal guarantee that you're just the kind of person Oxford want."
  • (possible crush on Miss Strickland): "You can just see it. Bang! She's got star quality."
  • "Haydn my eyes tell me - and therefore I deduce - that you must be the BIGGEST and the STRONGEST!" Said to Haydn in 8G, to stunned silence from remainder of class.

On Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

  • "So what exactly is that, boom-tang, then?"

Student: "That's erm... poon-tang, sir."

On Nothing In Particular One Fine Science Lesson Two Years Ago When Discussing Friction, When We Were Doing Plants

  • "You need two boys together. Really rub them. *Class laughter* What's funny about two boys rubbing each other?"

On long term cover for Mrs Spencer, Biology teacher

  • (Mr Grant is accidently soaked by students messing about with pipettes during a practical):

"Who just squirted me? The SLIMEBALL!"

  • Mr Grant: "Next door's cat keeps coming into my garden and weeing on the plants, do you know how I can stop it?"

Student: "Well, if you peel an orange and put the rind round the plants, the cat will never go near it..."

Mr Grant: "Really? That's fascinating! I shall try that as soon as I get home..."