Dr L. Arthur Robinson

Dr. Robinson
Status - Retired
Quote You Boy!

Biography

Born in a distant time, Doctor L. Arthur Robinson (or Doc Rob, as even Mrs Helm and Mr Parkinson call him), is one of the most under-rated members of staff in the school. Everyone argues that Mr Fuller was one of the greatest teachers to ever live, but Doc Rob is arguably greater.

Despite doing ten times more work than anyone else in the school (and that's not to say other teachers are slackers, but he does everyone's timetables at the start of the year, random assemblies, teaches several classes in both Geography and CT, and is also second in command to Mr Morris), he never looks particularly busy, and often has time to take place in charity events such as hockey matches.

Put quite simply, his knowledge of Geography, or for that matter, ANYTHING, is superior to anyone else alive today. He can successfully give a ten minute lecture on complex Chemistry or Physics, perfectly delivered, and then state that his knowledge of these subjects is "pretty poor", despite knowing more than any student (or staff member) he talks to. Also, he is an absolute goldmine in terms of comedy quotes (below), and for all these reasons, and many more besides, he deserves his status as a legend of our time.

His retirement on the 20th July 2007, after seventeen years at BRGS, is a travesty of the modern age, meaning that future generations will never have the privilege of meeting this great man. It says something about his talents that his job is being split between two future candidates, or "mortals" as they are known...

Letters sent out to students still bear his name as a deputy head. This proves either that he is still in the school somewhere, or that the school is becoming less and less organized without him, and they can't even take his name off the letters. It's also possible that it was left there deliberately as a mark of respect, or that it is physically impossible to remove Doc Rob from the school entirely.

Knowledge

Dr Robinson has an extremely robust knowledge on the topic of absolutely anything. The one thing that he was found not to know was why there was a '6' in the A2 Geography coursework spreadsheet's Spearman Rank Correlation Coefficient formula. Then again, who does?

He is also capable of "repairing" any dodgy electrical item merely by shouting at it. Even non-sentient electrical devices are in awe of Doc Rob's power...

Quotes

The Classics

• "GET YOUR UNIFORM SORTED - YOU LOOK LIKE FRANKENSTEIN!!" Doc Rob is was known to 7N (of 06/07) as 'Doctor Frankenstein' following this comment

• How he says questions is legend, "kwesteons" thoroughly pronouncing every syllable

• "Britain used to have nice cows, a nice black colour. Now there's all these foreign cows with a kind of horrible, mangey coloured ginger hair. *points to girl* JUST LIKE YOURS!"

• "Those are NOT your pens!"

• "That's bloody hot!" (his response to getting burnt by a geyser in Iceland)

• "Gordon Bennett!" (On colliding with a chair left in the basement corridor, which he failed to notice due to his towering height and a preoccupation with a piece of paper in his hand)

• "Who put that there!" (This time hitting his head on a fire hose hung on the wall)

• "Oh Botherations!"

• "Am I right or am I right?"

• "Have you done this? Say yes"

• "Processeeeeees"

• "I can't draw to save myself"

• "Right!"

• "These are not predictions." (pronounced rather strangely) "These just tell you how well you should do."

• During an assembly where the theme was love, "I'm going to give a piece of my love to Mr Morris (A student wolf-whistles), and he's going to give a bit of love to Mrs Taylor." (A student wolf-whistles again, with much laughter).

• That my dear boy, is Truancy!

• (after walking into the boys toilets) "OOH! THAT'S INTERESTING!" (to this day, the reason has not yet been found for this exclamation)

You Boy!

[always delivered in a thoroughly rattly voice at high volume]

• "YOU GROUP" (to a group of people stood in the hall talking and with bad uniform)

• "YOU BOY!" (delivered without any regard to age/gender)

• "YOU BOY! THE SMALL ONE!"

• "YOU GIRL, in the bandelero."

• "YOU!...don't go to this school do you. Carry on." (to prospective year 6 student)

• "YOU BOY, short one with the long hair!"(causing Shane Booth to quake with fear until realising that it wasn't him on question, but a small year 7.)

Dressing Down Quotes

• "Go outside and shoot yourself"

• "If you think you're going UP those stairs you're very much mistaken"

• "THOSE ARE THE UP STAIRS!"

• "Phillip Marsh is a very naughty boy"

• "Don't forget to ask your granny to buy you some highlighters"

• "Quiet boy or detention will ensue" (from 6th form yearbook class of '05)

• "So if there's three parts to this question and three marks for the whole question how many marks is it per part?"

"Three?" "Whoever said that go outside and commit suicide."

• "You Boy, BRETHERTON! Tuck your shirt in or detention WILL ensue!"

• "You Boy, with the foolish hair this is a one way system turn round and go back!"

• "You there, did you get dressed in the dark this morning or do you take pride in looking like a baboon!"

In the course of lessons

• "Imagine this piece of paper is a leaf intercepting rainfall." (Then spits, misses the paper and lands on a students book).

• "Imagine I'm the river" (then proceeds to walk across the class room knocking all tables and chairs out of the way). "I am eroding."

• "An Oxo cube is condensed cow"

• "I remember that............... I must be old....." (covering History lesson)

• "Awful thing... Country at a standstill... actually I liked it I got a few days off for that!" (talking to Mr Williamson about the Winter of Discontent)

• "Stop complaining! These are quality Robinson Bogeys"

• "And remember, Robinson's First Law is.." (they're all first laws, all 57 of them)

• "Why are you holding up the sky?" (in response to people putting up their hands.. year 7 tech lesson - he was on supply)

• "Oooh, it's a Tampax!!" (upon finding a tampon on the floor in a yr12 CT lesson)

• "You know, green pen is what we Senior Examiners use. Mortals use red."

• "I am a glacier and i pluck the rock from the corrie wall." (as he nearly rips the whiteboard from the class wall).

• "Right, I'm going to randomly pick one of the class" (proceeds to close eyes and spin hand through the air to simulate the effect of random selection, leading to a brushing of the head with a red marker, producing a "Potteresque" mark across the forehead)

• "You know! Water! Water from a bottle, or WATER (points to his crotch)! Yes? Oh, never mind then."

• "Of course you have to be a resident of the U.K to be able to vote! That's obviously why aliens cant vote isn't it?"

• "Do you know what a conceptual model is? And we AREN'T talking about Naomi Campbell here."

• "You were late to my lesson yet you still had time to buy a waffle. I hope it's full of hydrogenated vegetable oil and makes you obese"

• "My gosh it's a long one!"

Expressions of Anguish

• "Why won't this work?" (Clicking the wall thinking it is the interactive white board)

• "WORK!" (at any electrical appliance which doesn't want to do it. Mainly because it's not turned on)

• "What the Dickens?" (In response to fire-alarm soundalike)

• "Oh buggarage" (Whilst trying to back a minibus into a small gap and not quite managing)

• "It's bloody hot!!" (Whilst being splashed by boiling geyser water in Iceland)

• "Oh no! Oh my! Don't panic, Captain Mannering!"

Quotes in the course of just three cover lessons

• "So what is this? No, not a snotty hanky, it's humus"

• "I'm being a tree! Come on!"

• "I had a Chemistry teacher who changed his sex a few years after I left"

• "Unfortunately it's French"

• "I'm a bit thick"

• "Crummy peds"

• "You've obviously heard of Cherapunji?" *blank faces* "NO??" (If you haven't by the way, it is officially the wettest place on Earth, with something like 40 feet of rain a year. See, now you know)

• "What do you lot do in the bath? Actually I'd best not ask.."

• "Homework: Go home and have a bath"

• "About 4 inches.. if you prefer centimetres then it's 100mm an hour"

• "Oh no! The worm's been dissolved!"

Weapons of choice

• Eye of the Hawk- The amazing ability Doc Rob has to see a undone top button from one side of the canteen to the other, despite the fact said year 7 had his tie done up at the time. This incident inevitably concluded in a spectacular display of 'YOU BOY!' which brought the entire canteen to a standstill until said traumatised year 7 scuttled away behind Doc Rob's striding walk.

• The Voice of God – This is the ability to command anyone to do something and they are unable to resist. Whereas other teachers will walk past you and tell you to tuck your shirt in then walk off, his voice forces you to keep it tucked in all day, and there is nothing you can do about it. Also used to bring the entire canteen (staff included) to a standstill with a mere two words. The voice is also used to blow a whistle before issuing the aforesaid commands.

• The Umbrella of Doom – strictly speaking not a weapon, but a defensive device, it protects him and the honoured 3 or so students ever allowed under it from the rain.

• Time Lord – This explains why he can do so much work, (he has a tardis and so can do it whenever he wants, then go back in time and have it completed after a few seconds), and also his knowledge. His immortality is also a consequence of this, although he is beyond any normal time lord. It is believed that he has come to BRGS to end the extensive building schemes of Lord Morris, a Krillitane.

Mistakes

What? How very dare you! Dr. Robinson does not make mistakes.

(Well, OK, perhaps the one where he was covered in boiling hot geyser water springs to mind...)

(And perhaps whilst trying to make a phone call via mobile telephone for the first time and not realising you had to put it up to his ear so he could hear his wife and for her to hear him)

Side Notes and other Miscellaneous Legends

• After leaving BRGS, this may slowly cause the entire school to slowly collapse, as the echo of his voice still lingers, the building still stands, as his bellowing voice was the only thing that could command the building not to collapse at any given moment, at the loss of Doc Rob, we may just see the end of the "working" school, as he was most likely the one that stopped Lord Morris creating stupid rules, building ridiculous things, and spending ridiculous amounts of money on useless things, such as a bike shelter (like bikes personally prefer being dry) which will fall down with the slightest bit of wind (try rocking it, it wobbles like jelly)(which also doesn't actually cover ALL of the bike racks by the way) and putting a new HUGE computer suite in the sixth form section, since we had enough computers for the sixth formers anyway, but now, even the rest of the school can't see them, never mind use them.
• Other Causes of the schools downfall due to Doc Rob leaving, is the rumour, that Doc Rob was actually a cyborg, or some kind of computer program, who unbeknownst to anyone else, would integrate himself into the school network, and effectually become part of the wiring, in case that at his removal form the school, the wires would begin to pull the bricks out of the walls.
• The collapse of the schools moral and physical being since Doc Rob left, may also be due to Doc Rob, being the last person to know the original Mr. Morris's plans and vision for the school, whereas now that he has left, Lord Morris, can now turn the school into Fearns, or Haslingden High School. The Horror. Or on a lighter note, a prison for the slightly more intelligent than the rest of the public.
• A one-way system used to exist on both sets of stairs to the balcony after assembly. Doc Rob could generally be seen at the bottom of said stairs, terrorising any poor student who dared try to go the wrong way. Since Doc Rob's depature, the whole school quickly began to descend into chaos after assemblies, and now the amount of year 7's being squashed flat whilst attempting to leave the hall is at a record high.