Luke Bramwell

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Bramwell, or Brammers as he is sometimes known, is either an extremely able student, or has somehow compiled an exhaustive set of mark schemes. One of his proudest achievements has been winning Jordan Braysford at the Speech Night rehearsal. After GCSE success, Bramwell went for a repeat performance at AS level. He currently studies, Maths, Further Maths, Physics, Art, English Literature and Critical Thinking. Fool.

Although in the academic forum, Bramwell is one of the sharpest students in his year, he is also one of the least bright when it comes to general knowledge and/or things concerning everyday minor problems. A 'keen' pianist, he is credited with the destruction of the Steinway Grand in the Main Hall through excessive playing of Ben Folds Five covers.

Bramwell cannot usually be found in either common room, and it is speculated that between his numerous lessons he takes a quick nap in the Potato Lift. He is also quite well known for starting ridiculous debates, mostly based on entirely fictional information, and has been known to refuse to camp because the ground was too bumpy. Has a tendency to either tell anecdotes to people who were present at the original event, or digest other people's anecdotes and then regurgitate them back to same person as his own, unwisely.

Love Life

Little more is known about Bramwell's love life than Andrew Davies', but there have been many rumours as to whether math-sexual is his actual orientation. He has in the past been scurrilously implicated with women of Scandinavian origin, but denies any wrongdoing. The case has not yet come to court.

Prediction of future

Bramwell is scheduled to return to BRGS as a teacher in approximately 2020.


  • "Can you imagine x ?" (where x is something entirely plausible and unremarkable)
  • "Tom, do you know what time it is? It's -" (Proceeds to sing and dance in celebration of the weekend. Class look on in stony silence) "What?! It's the WEEKEND!" (Class point out that there's still another period remaining. Bramwell looks crestfallen.)
  • "Don't listen to Neil Young. And follow your heart."
  • Simon Kroll: "But would it be independent?"

Mrs Chapman: "Of course it would, take for example my weight and your weight. The weights of the teachers and pupils are completely independent."

Luke Bramwell: "Unless it were some sort of fat school."

Mrs Chapman (outraged): "Thank you very much!"

 Please note that the weights of the pupils and teachers would still be independent.
 Even in some sort of fat school. LB.
  • On the Iceland trip, Bramwell is carrying a small shiny Thermos flask:

Bishop: "What's that?"

Bramwell: "It's a flask." (walks over to student in a red jacket, whom he believes to be Tom Martyn, assumes comedy pervert voice) "It's a pneumatic cock."

Man in in red jacket/Mr Hoyle: "What's that, Luke?"

  • Mr Ventress: "Now, can anyone tell me what social change occurred in the Victorian era to accelerate the growth of the novel?"

Bramwell: "The women learned to read, Sir." (in aid of the Chauvinist cause)