Mr Halliwell

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Mr Halliwell is a Maths teacher who came to BRGS in 2008. As a child he went to a boarding school where a headmasters detention was to run around the school until you puked. Prior to becoming a teacher he worked in every possible occupation, including in a pukka pie factory, as an accountant and many more. He teaches mostly in Room 64.

  • He calls Usman Khan and Joe Gill in 08G 'Pinky and Perky', but which one is which remains a mystery. Even Mr Halliwell doesn't know which is which. He once called the pair of them "Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee".
  • He is dislexic.
  • He has an unusual laugh.
  • He Likes to leave his fly open on Friday afternoons.
  • (He likes to shout at us till we're quiet to run a round after wasps called Fred and Ted,
  • He likes to say, 'HELLO SIR' in a dramatically VERY pervy voice,
  • He likes to pick students via the 'Ip, Dip, Do, YOU' method.
  • Will not sleep till everyone in 07N is expelled as he likes to use Room 64 without their bags getting in the way. (Their form room is 64)
  • Has a tendency to blame Lewis Wood for the mess made in the maths classrooms.
  • Always has a flask full of coffee from the Sixth Form Canteen.
  • Blames EVERYTHING on whatever form is using 64 as their form room.
  • Once amused himself during quite a hard test by annoying the pupils of 9B/G by clicking his pen constantly during the test, talking to them, squeaking his chair and sending messages to people over bluetooth.
  • One time he was telling Alan off and said he possessed all the qualities of a moron when I put my hand up and said moron meant carrot in welsh (it does). Mr. Halliwell has since looked up moron on wikipedia and he concludes it to mean a child between the age of 8 and 12, who exhibits silly behaviour.
  • HE LIVES IN A BIN! He likes to lecture on how plastic is made because his old job was making the machines that did it.
  • Will commonly spend 30-45 minutes of lesson time randomly talking to students about technology and/or physics (which is pretty much anything Mr Newby tells him).


  • Usman:"Stop staring at me!" Mr H:"I learnt from a goldfish."
  • Mr H: "We're going to use bouncer tactics. How do you throw out 7 bikers?"

Student: "Get 7 bouncers?"

  • "What do we have to do now?"

Student: "Take away the 7." Mr H: "You can't have negative bikers."

  • Mr H "you can't have negative emos either."

Student: "But then they'd be positive."

  • Mr H:"Why would I want to have pictures of you on my desk?"
  • "And if I hear you talking I'll sneak up behind you and (blows his nose) in your ear."
  • Pupil: "Are you 25 sir?"

Mr H: "You think i'm 25? You can have a merit for that!" (Mr H is 35)

  • Mr H: "If you dont shut up now I will stab you in the face with this pencil."
  • "I don't care. As long as I get paid... I dont care."
  • "I'm going to choose the ten people that interupt the most and make them watch me eat my dinner."
  • "Shut up or come to room 22 at 12:30."
  • "Hey big mouth, shut up."
  • "Its because im a man, and I can only do one thing at a time. So shut up, and listen."
  • Mr H: "(Leans over desk) Put that away."

Pupil: "What is it sir???" Mr H: "A phone. Well, I hope its a phone..."

  • "When I was younger, none ever showed me how to work it properly. I ended up just sitting and fiddling with it all day until it worked."
  • "Stop leaning on your chair or I will make you stand up for the rest of the lesson!"
  • "NINE!"
  • "What are you doing under the table?"
  • Mr H: "Tom, shut up!"

Tom: "Sir why do you always pick on me when everyone is talking?" Mr H: "Because you have the deepest voice so i can hear you over everyone else." Tom: "It's not my fault i hit puberty before you sir."

  • "I can find holes in anyone!"
  • "Can i tighten up your bolts?" - he was referring to a compass!!
  • "Do you need physically adjusting?"
  • "What happens when you dissect a baby?"
  • "Do not mess with a pregnant lady. A pregnant lady is always right."
  • Student:"Where do you live?" Mr H:"In a house." Student:"I live in a mansion." Mr H:"Congratulations."
  • Student:"What was your first job?" Mr H:"My first job was in accountancy, I did it sleeping. I read a peice of paper and typed what it said onto a computer at the same time as I read it. No thinking went on whilst I had that job."
  • Student:"You met the guy who invented Space Invaders?" Mr H:"Yes, I was working at a restaurant in summer, in Wales and he came in and I said I knew him and he invited me to party at his house, he had a helicopter."
  • Student:"You have a friend with a helicopter?" Mr H:"Yes." Student:"Who is it?" Mr H:"A man." Student:"Who?". Mr H:"I'm not telling you! Then you'd be able to have a friend with a helicopter! He's my friend!"
  • "My mum didn't want me having a job half of the year and university the other half. She wanted me to be normal. She had this image of me going to university, getting a degree and then getting a job."
  • "I never should have got rid of my old Atari games console. The controller had a joystick and a button, and whenever you pressed the button it would fire something and go 'buow'. There were literally like eight buttons in all. They were on/off, reset, eject, shoot and move. I saw a game for it on Ebay and it was going for eight pounds more than I'd bought it for. Eight quid profit in thirty years, wow!"
  • "Seriously, when you go home, whoever's picking you up, your mum or your dad, in the car, say to them, We've been talking about David Cameron in school today, and I'm not so sure about these spending cuts, overall, I think it's going to cause a double dip recession. Don't blame me if they crash the car. They'll think your an alien."
  • (To a set 1) "You're two subtopics behind the set 2, and their way behind the other set 1, but I don't teach them." Student: "Do you teach all the sets that are behind?"
  • "Twinkle, twinkle, little, star, my, dad's, got, a, rus,ty, car!" (An alternative to eeny meeny minie mo)
  • "When you were in primary school you did a little thing called gerzinters."
  • Halliwell: "You know you should only drink water, not strawberry milkshake!"

Pupil: "It is water sir, just in a milkshake bottle." Halliwell (sarcasticly): "Oh really, pour it on your head and prove it then..." (student pours water on his head): "See sir, told you it was water!" Halliwell (banging his head on the table): "If I told you to jump off a cliff would you?" student: "It depends how high the cliff is and whats underneath, sir." Halliwell: "Do you want a penalty point?

  • Halliwell: "I like your hat (to female student)."Student: "Thanks." Halliwell: "I was going to say I like your bobbles, but I thought that might be inapropriate.."

A Game of Chase

Chase is a game he likes to play with his Maths classes. He will take a piece of someones stationary (usualy someone fiddling) and procede to drop it out of a window. He will then go "3,2,1, Chase!" where the person has to go and recover their belongings in the quickest time possible

Its a Small World...

On the 2009 Year 7 trip to Paris, Mr. Halliwell, two teachers, and four certain Year 7 students went on an adventure. It was nearly time to leave the Disney park, but Mr H convinced 4 poor Year 7s that the ride "Its a Small World" was a good ride. Clueless, the Year 7s agreed to go on the ride. Half way through, it broke down.......the very anoying music went off.......the wierd scary robot people froze......and the the teachers and students were nervously laughing their heads of. (nervous because a very freaky german clown was starring at them) After about 15 mins, Mr Halliwell climbed off the boat onto a display and did a lively little dance. One of the teachers pressent, laughed but told him to get down. A lady then said through the speakers: "There appears to be a slight problem with...................Please remain in your boats and do not stand on the displays." Mr H went red and everyone burst out in fits of laughter. One of the teachers rang up Mr Mercer and they all showed our singing skills by substituting the music. They were stuck on the ride for over half an hour! Three out of the four Year 7s have suffered from traumas due to the ugly robots ever since..... The other teachers and students were forced to take endless group pictures with giant Disney character statues at the entrance/exit. Also during Year 7 Paris trip 2009, he was encouraged to do the kissing test on the iPod. He proceeded to beat us students and get 'Playful.'