Mr Mercer

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Mr Mercer replaced Miss Fraiser as Second in Command in the Music Department, and during Mrs Matthews' absence, he became the Acting Head of Music.

Mr Mercer is well known for having a sense of humour. He is a nice teacher and a very 'happy chappy', in his own words.

Musical Capabilities

Mr Mercer plays the piano and clarinet as his primary instruments, however he has amazular-tastic skills on any keyboard-related instrument. Mr Mercer is much easier to weasel away from than most other music teachers on the subject of band/choir/woodwind group/jazz group/senior band attendance, and also can be known to do a rather nice dance.

Embarrassing Moments

  • Mr Mercer showed his ability to caper during a school concert on various musical composers, and ended up doing a monkey impression for 'Gee Officer Krupkee'. If you didn't see it, you missed out...


  • Mercer is well known for having coined the phrase "sexual terrorist"
  • Mercer: "I am from Rochdale born and bred."
Student: "Erm, I think the term is inbred sir."
  • "Smacked off his tits on drugs" (on the subject of Pete Doherty in General Studies)
  • "I am not, never have been, and never will be a cross-dressing backing singer!"
  • "At some point, we will have to have the awkward conversation about castration"
  • Student: "Sir can you do a cart wheel?"
Mercer: "Why?"
Student: "Because real men can do cartwheels, prove that your a real man."
Mercer: "Ok" (and does a cartwheel almost kicking the drumkit)
  • "No Tom, I would not like to see your weasel."
  • We get on like a...
((class stay silent))
  • "I am not a piece of meat! I have rights!!" (a futile attempt to appeal to his Lower VIth class.)
  • "I'm very dissapointed class!"....Then starts laughing with the rest of the class
  • "You are ACE class!"
  • "Its registration, girls.." Said to three 7N girls whilst running form the music departmenet to 7R to do their registration, but as their form tutor not a student
  • (Telling off his form (2006-07) during a music lesson)
Mr Mercer: "Do you know how much negativity is in this room right now?"
(Class stay silent as a pupil puts his hand up.)
Student: [Seriously]: "Lots"
[Class laughs along with Mr Mercer]

(Chaz and Nicola from 8R go up to the music department, and see Mr Mercer ushering a supply teacher into one of the tiny practise rooms, and upon Mr Mercer surfacing:)

  • Chaz:Do The Music Teachers Play 7 Minutes In Heaven in the practise rooms?
Mr Mercer:No...whats 7 Minutes IN Heaven? Wait, it's you two, do I WANT to know?

(Next day, in a Music Lesson)

Nicola: Sir, do you know what 7 minutes in heaven is yet?
Mr this an appropriate topic for this class?


  • Mr seems to only like his old form, 09G, who he just natters about on to Annie McCloskey and Bronagh Whytt-Thorban, since they show off about their music playing and writing.
  • He is famous for having a folding forehead while talking.
  • A few forms have been successful in persuading him to do a cartwheel during his lessons, he is never successful and the result is hilarious.
  • Mr Mercer can snap his fingers insanely loud, bringing any of his classes to immediate attention.