Robert Pilling

Rob Pilling

Rob Pilling is, in short, a genius. His ability to come up with a joke (of varying degrees of quality ranging from "gut-wrenchingly hilarious" to "down-right appalling") at short notice is the most famous branch of his ability. He is affectionaly know as a nice fellow, some may say man, due to his friendly mannar and the common means he uses to make new acquaintances (raising his thumb and grinning at said person across a crowded room). Other aliases under which Rob has gone include "Silent Bob", "Well Endowed", "Semi", "Semi M^CP", "Rob-and-Pillage" and "Hey Get Your Lanky Self Away From Me".

Also Rob has an infallible ability to sneak into any picture ever taken. Some examples follow.

Example 1-Rob tactically interupting a picture of lenny while trying to get his Pink Hat back.

Example 2-Rob at the Leavers Do, displaying his incredibly lanky finger.

File:Rob meets hitler.JPG

Example 3-Rob amazed many when he told of how he had met Hitler (appearently the two never got on well).

Example 4-Rob Depicted in the Bayeux Tapestry, at the Battle of Hastings, 1066.

Example 5-Contrary to Popular Belif, Rob Actually Beat Yuri Gagarin in the Space Race.

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Example 6-Rob was actually edited out of the original Mona Lisa, but here is the original, with Rob in it.

Jokes

Some of the jokes listed bellow are Rob's and he likes them:

• Rob: "Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize?"

(bemused look from all who heard him)

Rob: "Because he was outstanding in his field!"

• Rob: "What did the constipated mathematician do?"

Crowd: "Hmm, I dont know!"

Rob: "He worked it out with a pencil."

Crowd: "Eeew." (Except a small niche of the lower common room crew who are rolling around on the floor.)

A recent addition to Rob's favourite jokes is:

• Rob: "What did Spock find in the Enterprise's toilet?"

Small Group of Friends/Sympathisers who remain: "Go on..."

Rob: "The Captain's Log!"

Small Group of Friends/Sympathisers who remain: "Right, we're off" Rob is now left deserted. *Tumbleweed Floats Past*

More Facts

• Contrary to popular belif, Rob has never actually had a girlfriend, despite his handsome looks, and charming aroma.
• He is currently 6"4', however this measurement was taken a few weeks ago, so it could have increased since then...
• Rob can usually be found either in bed, at school or playing Half Life mods/other general games depending on the time of day.
• Rob has never been in the Upper Common Room apart from in Assemblies, and is currently planning a complex plan which envolves a guy, a thing, a rubber chicken suit and quite a large crane, so he can steal a pool table for the Lower Common Room, since they only have one.

Common Occurances

• Rob likes to tell the same joke over and over and over and over again. One of the most famous of these has been known to drive Steven Albertson to the brink of insanity in a two year period of Maths lessons as they shared the same set...

Rob:"Hey wanna to hear a joke?"

Steven:"Alright then."

Rob:"What do you call a sleeping bull?"

Steven:"I don't know; what do you call a slepping bull?"

Rob:"A Bulldozer."

Although a joke of Rob's usually genius standard over two years of continuous use of this joke for every Maths lesson the telling of this joke fell to this...

Rob:"Hey wanna to hear a joke?"

Steven:"Erm..."

Rob:"What do you call a..."

Steven:"Aaarrrggghhh!"

At which point Rob is caught in the midst of an ineffable rage of fury eminating from the enraged Steven Albertson.

• Another infuritaing thing that Rob has discovered is that calculators are there to annoy and prolong his Maths lesson.

After typing...

5÷12 or 5/12

(or any random fraction) into a calculator, the calculator replies with the exact same answer

5/12

and Rob can be heard "rargh" in his frustration as he attacks the calculator.

The Rob Formula

After years of research scientists have finally discovered the source of all Rob's "genius". Thus the formula is revealed:

The Actual Formula

Rob: *De-Glaze and Un-Slouch* : "Hey [insert genius comment here]"

The most common statement to follow "Hey" to begin the genius comment is "Hey wanna hear a joke?" said most commonly with an extended finger (as featured in the above "Example 2" photo above) or a cheesy grin, used to attract the attention of the priviledged joke-recipitent (reciever).

This Formula can be re-arranged to give:

Genius Comment = Rob + *Un-Glaze and De-Slouch*

Which can be used to help scientists work out many comments about their experiments and impress people with their knowledge.

Therefore, A Genius Comment it Inversly Proportional to Being Slouched and "Glazed Over" This Gives...

Genius Comment Is Proportional to 1/(Slouched + Glazed Over)

Formula Examples

• The most common example is: "Hey... Who wants to hear a joke?"

• A recent example of one of Rob's genius comments is that used by him on the 2006 Speech Day where he stated, "Hey Steven, your dad looks like Gordon Freeman". Although at first disregarded, upon looking up Steven Albertson saw his dad in a new light and exclaimed: "Wow; he does! I have never noticed that before!"

Fomula Mis-Fires/Errors

There is one main misconception about this formula. Contrary to popular belif, it is not fool proof. It has been known to "Crash" in an error. The most common example of a "Crash" is when Rob has been provoked or attacked, and attempts to use the formula to defend himself...

Rob: Hey......" Or Rob: "Ht..." (Pronounced Hut with little emphasis on the U and most on the H and T)

However Rob fails to come up with a "Genius Comment", and instead enters an infinite loop of saying "Hey.. Hey... Hey..." or "Ht... Ht... Ht... whilst moving his head backwards and forwards slightly, as if he is trying to pull his head away from something, but having it pushed back.

Rob can only be pull out of this infinite loop if one of his few friends manages to stop his head moving, or insertes a genius comment for him.

Feet

• Rob has two feet.