Difference between revisions of "Mr Ward"

Revision as of 15:18, 7 October 2006

Background

Mr Ward is seen by many of the students and teachers throughout the school as a complete and utter joke. His teaching style is known for being horrendously bad, and his mood unpredictable. However despite this, most of the school are fond of him and his gentle voice - in most peoples' minds giving him a resemblance to a panda. Common rumour is that he lives in the cupboard in Room 96.

On Film

Is a big fan of the movie 'Run Lola Run'. Has been known to show year nine classes French monkey cartoons on the curriculum for seven year-olds - allegedly accidentally swapping them for erotica on occasions.

Ich Habe Hunger

In a class teaching the 97 intake in Year 8, Mr. Ward started to sing a song called "Ich Habe Hunger", halfway through this he collapsed, smacking his head on, and leaving a rather large dent in, a nearby cupboard. This was met with the cry of "Oh my God!, Mr. Wards dead!"

Teaching Style

Mr Ward's teaching style is like his mood - erratic, unpredictable and of little use to anyone. Lower School lessons usually consist of 'writing a letter' to someone in German or French; or watching a video (usually 'Salut Serge'a French video for Primary School children, or 'Hallo aus Berlin' - a German video with cringe-worthy songs). Other cunning tricks include asking his watch whether it thinks the children should get lots of homework, and tailoring his sentences to the subject of the cover lesson he is taking, e.g. (Geography; volcanoes) "If you don't get on with your work, I'm going to ERUPT with anger."

Appearance

Like Mr Ventress, Mr Ward typically wears one suit of clothes for the whole year. This usually consists of a plain blue shirt and a South Park tie (though he tie has been known to change to a festive Looney Tunes number around Christmas). His facial hair consumes most of his face, giving him an appearance similar to a bear, Ewok or Father Christmas.

Favourite Students

Like many other teachers, Mr Ward claims that he has no favourite student. Recent studies have come to show however, that Will Perry and Chris Chappel have managed to steal the big lug's heart in a way that no lion tamer ever could. All it took was a carefully placed muffin and a good load of TLC. Good on those boys.

Quotes

• Mr Ward uses a warning system in his classes, for disruptive pupils. In the style of a German football referee:

"Gelber Karte" (Yellow Card)
"Rote Karte" (Red Card)
"Gehe" ([to] Go)

• "You're NAKED," whenever a student has imperfect uniform, or presumably on the off chance that a student is really naked.
• "SALUT SERGE!"
• "Oh you're a cheeky one"
• "Didn't you do well."
• "It's Raining men"
• "This is NOT a strip club. I'll say again, THIS IS NOT A BLOODY STRIP CLUB!" Whenever someone has taken their blazer off before he enters the room.
• "Let's have a STOOOORIEEE!!"
• who wants to win a mjor cash prize? [usually 2p - 23p]