Rob Pilling's Maths Jokes

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This is a page donated to the 12DX Maths set with Mrs Gregson, aka The Gregsonator, aka Slapdash, and Mrs Kennedy, aka Mrs Kennedy. Every since the beginning of the term, 2006, a joke has been delivered every lesson, without fail, to the group who sit on the right hand side in Room M2 or whatever its called by Rob Pilling. This is a fully compiled list of those jokes. (Except a few which are lost in the mists of time)

By visiting this page, you are now given permission to use the Benchmark, "Rob-Pilling-Standard" for very bad jokes.

(Sadly we gave up recording these as none of them were good enough to remember for any length of time!)

Early Undated Jokes

  • Rob: "Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize?"

(bemused look from all who heard him) Rob: "Because he was outstanding in his field!"

  • Rob: "What did the constipated mathematician do?"

Rob: "He worked it out with a pencil."

  • Rob: "What did Spock find in the Enterprise's toilet?"

Small Group of Friends/Sympathisers who remain: "Go on..."

Rob: "The Captain's Log!"

  • Rob: "I'm going to a duck do tonight..."

Saggy: "What's a duck do?"

Rob: "quack!"

  • Rob: "What is Jaws' Grandfather called?"

12DX Set: *sigh* "Go on..."

Rob: "Gums!"

  • Rob: "What is Jaws' Son called?"

Rob: "Teething"

  • Rob: "Where do small fairy-tail creatures go to get healed?"

Rob: "The National Elf Service!"

Later Jokes With Dates

November 2006


  • Rob: "A man walks into a pet shop and asks the shop owner "'Do you sell fish food?'"

Rob replies: "Only if they pay for it!"


  • Rob: "What do you call a hungry bird?"

Rob: "Poly-No-Meal!" (Polynomial)


  • Rob: "What do you call a robber that's fallen into cement?"

Rob: "A hardened criminal!"


  • Rob: "What do pigs use when they have itchy skin?"

Rob: "Oinkment!"


  • Rob: (whilst waving hand vigourously) "What's this?" "A high-energy wave!"

Rob: (whilst bending his little finger up and down) "What's this?" "A microwave!"


  • Rob: "Why are pirates called pirates?"

Rob: "Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrreee!"


  • Rob: "There was this teddy bear who decided to get a job at a coal mine. So he goes in of the first day, and is doing quite well, mining a lot of gold and stuff, and he goes home as a very happy bear. But the next day, when he came in to work, he discovered that his pickaxe had been stolen. He was very shocked, and decided to report this to the police. So he goes to the police station, and says to the Officer, 'My Pickaxe has been stolen', and the Officer replies: 'Don't you know? (goes into a tune) Todays the day the teddy-bears get their picks-nicked.'"


Today is a dual-joke day. Those lucky people...

  • Rob: "What did the man who fell off the cliff say to the ground?"

Rob: "Ouch."

  • Rob: "What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?"

Rob: "Sorted!"


There was no joke today...the price we pay for having two yesterday...

December 2006


  • Since it's nearly Christmas, Rob was in a festive mood. He was also on the Chemistry trip, but never fear; Helen Beck managed to text the joke from the Chemistry Trip to the Maths Set. I can only imagine how delighted they were.

Rob: "Where does mistletoe go to become famous?"

Rob: "Hollywood."

(We didn't actually receive the joke...perhaps that's a good thing)


  • Rob: "Where do movie makes go to make Christmas films?"

Rob: "TinselTown."

This was (as said by Joe Burrow) one of Rob's worst jokes yet. And i mean worst in a bad way.


  • Rob: "Why are pirates called pirates?"

Rob: *Pirate Accent* "Because they arrrrrrrr!"

To add to the shockingly awfulness, Rob has actually repeated a joke. This means he will own the class two tomorrow. As Mrs Gregson would say, "Slapdash attitude, Robert. Just not good enough."




  • Rob: "How Does the alphabet change at Christmas?"

Rob: "Noel!"

January 2007


  • Rob: "Why did the cowboy who wore paper pants get put in jail?"

Rob: "He was caught rustling!"


  • Rob: "Why was the canabilistic lion upset?"

Rob: "He had to swallow his pride!"


  • Rob: "What's brown and sounds like a bell?"

Rob: "Duuung"


  • Rob: "Why did the mathematician use the range to see how he buttered his toast?"

Rob: "Because it's the best measure of spread!"


  • Rob: "Why do squirrels swim on their backs?"

Rob: "To keep their nuts dry!"