Revision as of 15:48, 17 May 2007

Mr Hoyle looking like a child with his helpers on an Iceland Trip

In brief

Mr Hoyle is a Geography teacher at BRGS. He is famed for how he says sedimentary rock and telling his classes about his Polish wife. He appears to have quite a passion for his subject, often getting cross if people do not understand geographical facts the first time around. As with most teachers in the school, he has his "own room" - which, for Mr Hoyle, is room 32. He has a liking for the band Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds. Has a more than strange way of talking: for example, instead of saying 'human' he would say 'U-man'. Famous for his unibrow, or, as it is known to commoners, monobrow.

Photographs

• Mr Hoyle shows his GCSE class of 05-07 a slideshow of photos showing different living conditions in a place:

Hoyle: "I took these photos"

Students [shout together]: "No you didn't sir, we saw these pictures about 3 years ago! Mr Spencer showed them to us!"

Hoyle: "No, I really did!"

Students:"NO YOU DIDNT!"

Hoyle: "Oh okay, just a little white lie."

• Mr Hoyle: "This looks like a nice city - but if you look here you will notice this part where all the scummy scum scums live."

Random student: "IT'S BURNLEY!"

Attire

Pupil: "Sir, where did you get your jacket from?"

Mr Hoyle: "Burtons. Jacket, trousers, shoes, tie and shirt all for £100. Bargain." [short silence while still staring at the pupil] "You should buy your school uniform from Burtons too. Oh no, they only do mens clothes."

Student: Sir, why would you buy three-quarter-length waterproof pants?

Hoyle: What? I'm not wearing....

Student: I know, I know, I just wondered why they sell them...

Hoyle: Well, the water drips off lower down your leg, so it's more comfortable

Student: Eh?

<five minute explanation about advantages of three-quarter-length waterproof jackets>

Student: No, three-quarter-length PANTS!

Hoyle: Oh, pants? Sorry, I thought you meant jackets. Well, it's just personal preference really, I suppose they're cooler and more practical in hot countries, to keep your legs cool.

Student: But then you'd get your feet wet.

Hoyle: What? You wouldn't wear them when it was raining.

Student: Then why are they waterproof?

Hoyle: Oh, you mean WATERPROOF three-quarter-lengths? Erm. I have no idea.

Miscellaneous

• "Yes, I live in Salford. I am depressed and have no job. I will sit in a corner and sniff glue."

• (to Zak)You should never throw glue sticks. Zak: You did, sir. Mr Hoyle: Yes, I am a skilled practitioner at throwing glue sticks. Your throw is elementary rubbish.

• "British Seaman entering African Ports"

• "She died....?"

• (Hoyle caught a student was looking at porn on their phone and grabs the phone) "That is inappropriate for the classroom! (presses a button) "Who's Amy?" (presses another button) "Whoops, I've just sent it to Amy"

• "We're gun'ta.." [we are going to]

• "SEDIMEN(big pause)ARY ROCKS!!!."

• "STOP! WHERE ARE YOU ALL GOING?! I HAVEN'T READ THE NOTICES OUT YET!........Oh... yes I have. Off you go to your next lesson."

• "Discharge is measured in cumecs, which is how many cubic metres [writes "cum" on the board] pass a point per second [adds "secs" to the board to form a word] which is why it is called...[notices what he has just written and the class starts laughing]..oops, not that."

In 9S geography 05/06, Mr Hoyle walks round with fly undone. Martyn sends a note to him: 'Sir, your fly is undone.' Mr Hoyle sends a note back: "Martyn, your shirt is untucked."

In 9R's lesson a rebellious child has flicked chewing gum onto the interactive board...

Hoyle: That wasn't there before, who put it there?

[pulls it off, stretches it between fingers and smells it]

Hoyle: Mmm, juicy fruit, my favourite!

[shows girl sat next to the bin his marvellous find... and pops it in the bin. Whole class sits in shock.]

• 11S registration - "I'm not blaming anyone, but I know it was you two."

• Dictating to an upper sixth class about AIDS. "the female doctor returned from Africa rather un well ("full stop"). She died ("full stop").

• Again "The spreading of AIDS has been put down to seamen" class bursts out laughing "Yes well what other word could I have used?" the word "sailor" gets muttered around the class. "Oh yes, well I suppose that is better, I'll use that next year".

• Drak(sounds like he is swallowing)unsberg mounains