Joe Holdsworth-Miller

Factfile

Name: JOSEPH Holdsworth-Miller aka ShinyPsyduck

Form: 7R/8R/9R

Age:(Why do you want to know? Stay away sick perverts! Haha I'll throw you off my trail by giving you my birthday! Only clever people will figure out my age - so i'm safe from people like Evie McDermott and Rebecca Dawson). 10/08/1995

Loves: Eve White,Chocolate, Shiny Psyducks!, Chips, Sweets, Pizza, Dots, Polar Bears, Cats, Rats, screaming, dying, radiators, being popette and Wolves

Dislikes: PE, Art, SOLDERING(I burnt myself and NOBODY CARED!), Maze Designing, Graphics, Mints Protein shakes, the name Joe, losing things... (which happens a lot),

The 'Space Mountain Incident'

On his year 7 trip to paris Joseph managed at disneyland to pee himself on the big space mountain resulting in Michael and Eve telling the whole of year 7 (he peed himself not of fright but because he drank 4 litres of Coke, this caused a 2 hour hyper-active fit, he is hard enough to put up with anyway never mind a hyper-active Joseph, I almost killed him says Aaron). Aaron and Eve (now his girlfriend)were making 'PSSSSS' noises, saying "Drip Drip Drip"; "Water, lovely water" and other things of that sort for the whole time that they were queueing, because Joseph stupidly announced that he needed to pee.(Unfortunatly for saim, saim happened to be standing close to joseph and also needed to pee) This was another reason that he peed himself on the ride. It also probably didn't help that the ride decided to stop half way through because of really bad weather.

Protein Drinks

If Eve or Rebecca ever offer you a protein drink run for cover. Last time I tried one it contained coke, ketchup, salad cream, chips, fanta, milk, chicken nugget, strawberry smoothie, sour cream, salt, pepper, apple flavoured water and other items from fast food places. It was the most revolting thing i have ever tasted. Rebecca Says: You Should Have Checked If It Was Actually Coke Before You Drank It! Eve says: He knew what it was, we were playing the the protein shakes game. Rebecca says: He didn't know we were - we just offered him a drink, said it was coke and he drank it

The Snowball Argument

Saim and Joseph vs Aaron

• Joseph throws snowball at Aaron
• Aaron: Ow stop doing that
• Joseph: It's a snowball. Are you too old for snowballs
• Aaron: No I'm not too old but that thats not a snowball
• Joseph: Yes it is
• Aaron: No its ice
• Joseph: No it's clearly snow
• Aaron: Its too hard to be snow
• Joseph: Nah you are just being a wimp
• Aaron: But its not snow
• Joseph: Saim is this a snowball
• Saim: Yes
• Aaron: Its ice
• Joseph: It's two against one
• Aaron: Ice is hard, snow is white and fluffy
• Joseph: This isn't hard and it's white
• Saim: Look thats fluffy
• Aaron: It's not soft!
• Joseph: Throw a snowball at me and I'll prove it
• Aaron throws a snowball at Joseph's head. The snowball does not break
• Joseph: That didn't hurt
• Aaron: Only because there is so much hair. Just trust me it's hard

25+ Interesting Facts About Joseph

1 Has a chocolate milkshake with every school meal

2 Friends include Bobby Thompson, Owain Dawson, Aaron Barlow and Saim Ahmed

3 Is immune to pain... most of the time... (recent studies have proved that his weak spot is his waist. He hates being buzzed, and is likely to fall over. More testing required.)If he gets his hair caught on something he screams very loudly and very high pitchly proving his weak spots r his waist, his hair and his cheeks.

4 Has an innocent mind. Ish (thanks to the help of Aaron Barlow). (Aaron you started turning him sick, Eve finished it- how did i turn him sick????)

5 Is often seen with wet trousers - origins unknown (he claims water bottle)

6 Has extremely easy to guess passwords such as his name, his nickname, his other nickname, 123abc (his most complicated password yet), fred, qwerty, asdfghjkl (the middle line on your keyboard) and other passwords so obvious that there is no point in writing them down. (current: unknown)←joseph says haha. Its Lemming, well his home one is. How do people find out my passwords?

7 Is a chocoholic

8 Has a peculiar fasination with dots whilst typing... yeah he wrote this...

9 Is known to have girly hair and even girlier eyes.(he has admitted to this)

10 Now likes cats after a eight month old stray came into his house. His family called it Kitty(the most original name ever)(now called skittles)

11 Hates the name Joe (Yet in order to irritate him his friends decided it would be fun to make a page called Joe Holdsworth-Miller

12 Likes to get his own back on Bobby. He just ends up getting hurt, though.

13 Perhaps wants to play 7 minutes in heaven with one person (Eve).

14 Loves the names JoHoMi and Joron... Which many regard as disturbing

15 Eats more chocolate than anybody else - yet he never, ever puts on any weight...

16 Chews like a horse

17 Has a plot for everybody in the class to suddenly get mysterious stomach cramps at the start of an R.S. lesson to waste time. It is strongly recommended that you try this, it can save you a lot of boredom.

18 If you wet his hair and scruff it up, he looks like Beethoven or Einstein. He has enough hair to make a ponytail. (it got cut... well slightly...)

19 Has been widely regarded as being dim in the extreme.

20 Has "removable foots" (not a typo) as he remarked on PE lesson

21 Has a monobrow like Mr Hoyle(no longer though)

22 Has a mustache (if you say so...)

23 Is going out with Eve White in 8n. R were never banned. Mr Whyton just didn't like them for a while. It was funny though. Callan spilt water all over the floor and we had to use bags, blazers and tissues to mop it up with, then Eve and Becca D went and asked the dinner lady if they could borrow the mop and the dinner lady didn't suspect a thing.

24 Cannot lie to save his life

25 Steals people's 5ps in his spare time (well thats what he claims he does)

26 Loses everything. Guitars, pens, bus rovers, homework diaries, german books, ties, sanity, checks, locker keys, his viginity(<--If Owain is trying to say virginity I haven't lost it)... you name it hes probably lost it

27 Has an unnatural habit of taking Logo!, Metro! and Understanding History books home in his bag

28 Is UTTERLY USELESS at Cricket (He can throw balls backwards, hit himself in the face with them and knock over his own stumps. Now tell me that isnt useless. I'm waiting). And Football. And pretty much any other sport you can name.

29 Is currently a Popette in the religion Radiatorism

30 Can sing a song about Radiators (can I)

31 Can't draw. Really can't draw.

32 Has a fixation with Necromancers

33 Dressed up as a Ugly Sister for a Pantomime

34 Screams like a girl

35 Whenever it's time to pack up, Joseph picks up everything on the desk and puts it in his bag. E.g. art department pencils, art department gluesticks, Owain's homework diary etc

Interesting Places Visited By Joseph

Has been put in lots of bins and other exciting places such as:

• The bin in room 23
• The cupboard in room 64 (It's not a cupboard it's SHIRLEY!)
• The bin in room 64
• The bin in S3 (VOLUNTARILY!)
• Behind the computer in S3
• Bottom of the cupboard in S3
• Stuck behind room 89's door with only a German dictionary for company
• In the skip outside the Newchurch block
• In the bin in rm 89

Quotes

• HEY!! I wanna be on top!!

• What?

• Whuh?

• I don't get it

• What was that?

• Who?

• What did you say?

• I don't understand

• Unh?

• So what are we doing?

• What did the teacher tell us to do again?

• Aaron loves Jessica

• What am i supposed to be doing again?

• OH GOD RUN IT'S LAURA!

• Shiny Psyducks!

• Yay!

• No Yay!

• shouts out form room window 'Puffs!'

• "Izzy fancies Bobby" (Joseph is slapped by Izzy) a few seconds later "Izzy fancies Bobby" (repeat process)

• (Jumps in bin in S3) WOOOOHOOOO! (1 minute passes) I'm stuck...

• This IS a healthy meal! (said after eating a piece of chocolate fudge cake, a chocolate cookie, 3 pots of cream and a chocolate milkshake one lunch)

• I don't kick like a girl!

• Score! (Whenever he thinks he's done something right)

• (imitation of Saim said in posh accent) Boger off my estate please (Saim sent him a text with bugger spelt boger)

• Conversation between Saim and Joseph 1
• Saim: Let me see your work joseph.
• Joseph: No (Shields work)
• Saim: I just want to check my answers.
• Joseph: For the last time go away!
• Saim: Just let me check them.
• Joseph: BUGGER OFF!

• Conversation between Saim and Joseph 2
• Saim: It's MASSIVE
• Joseph: Mine's bigger
• Saim: I've got two
• Joseph: Mine's bigger though

• Evie, stop being gayist!

Joseph's Rather Bizarre take on life

Yay I can now right in first person, its so exciting! Now on to what i think about my friends- in one sentence each!

• Owain- The penguin obssesssed evil doer. 5 words. (2 sentences)
• Bobby- Hmmmmmm Hard one how about a funny weird knowitall.
• Saim- Small and annoying. Only 3 words to counter balance bobbys long one). (2 sentences again)
• (Kieran- see above (Saims)
• Aaron- Evil and bunny liking.
• Callan- Only person who does not say my pictures are rubbish and Dolphin/Dragon obssessed
• Michael- Female