Joe Holdsworth-Miller

Factfile

Name: JOSEPH Holdsworth-Miller

Form: 8R

Age:(Why do you want to know? Stay away sick perverts! Haha I'll throw you off my trail by giving you my birthday! Only clever people will figure out my age - so i'm safe from people like Evie McDermott and Rebecca Dawson). 10/08/1995

Loves: Eve White, Chocolate, Shiny Psyducks!, Chips, Sweets, Pizza, Rats and Wolves

The 'Space Mountain Incident'

On his year 7 trip to paris Joseph managed at disneyland to pee himself on the big space mountain resulting in Michael and Eve telling the whole of year 7 (he peed himself not of fright but because he drank 4 litres of Coke, this caused a 2 hour hyper-active fit, he is hard enough to put up with anyway never mind a hyper-active Joseph I almost killed him says Aaron).

Protein Drinks

If Eve or Rebecca ever offer you a protein drink run for cover. Last time I tried one it contained coke, ketchup, salad cream, chips, fanta, milk, chicken nugget, strawberry smoothie, sour cream, salt, pepper, apple flavoured water and other items from fast food places. It was the most revolting thing i have ever tasted. Rebecca Says: You Should Have Checked If It Was Actually Coke Before You Drank It! Eve says: He knew what it was, we were playing the the protein shakes game.

Interesting Facts About Joseph

Has a chocolate milkshake with every school meal

Friends include Bobby Thompson, Owain Dawson, Aaron Barlow and Saim Ahmed

Has an innocent mind. Ish (thanks to the help of Aaron Barlow). (Aaron you started turning him sick, Eve finished it)

Is often seen with wet trousers - origins unknown (he claims water bottle)

Has extremely easy to guess passwords such as his name, his nickname, his other nickname, 123abc (his most complicated password yet), fred, qwerty, asdfghjkl (the middle line on your keyboard) and other passwords so obvious that there is no point in writing them down. (current is scaryblue)

Is known to have girly hair and even girlier eyes.(he has admitted to this)

Now likes cats after a eight month old stray came into his house. His family called it Kitty(the most original name ever)(now called skittles)

Hates the name Joe

Likes to get his own back on Bobby. He just ends up getting hurt, though.

Perhaps wants to play 7 minutes in heaven with one person (Eve).

Loves the names JoHoMi and Joron... Which many regard as disturbing

Eats more chocolate than anybody else - yet he never, ever puts on any weight...

Chews like a horse

Has a plot for everybody in the class to suddenly get mysterious stomach cramps at the start of an R.S. lesson to waste time. It is strongly recommended that you try this, it can save you a lot of boredom.

If you wet his hair and scruff it up, he looks like Beethoven or Einstein. He has enough hair to make a ponytail.

Has been widely regarded as being dim in the extreme.

Has "removable foots" (not a typo) as he remarked on PE lesson

Has a monobrow like Mr Hoyle

Is going out with Eve White in 8N.

Cannot lie to save his life

Interesting Places Visited By Joseph

Has been put in lots of bins and other exciting places such as:

• The bin in room 23
• The cupboard in room 64
• The bin in room 64
• The bin in S3 (VOLUNTARILY!)
• Behind the computer in S3
• Bottom of the cupboard in S3
• Stuck behind room 89's door with only a German dictionary for company
• In the skip outside the Newchurch block
• In the bin in rm 89

Quotes

• What?

• Whuh?

• What was that?

• Who?

• What did you say?

• Unh?

• What am supposed to be doing again?

• OH GOD RUN IT'S LAURA!

• Shiny Psyducks!

• shouts out form room window 'Puffs!'

• "Izzy fancies Bobby" (joseph is slapped by Izzy) a few seconds later "Izzy fancies Bobby" (repeat process)

• (Jumps in bin in S3) WOOOOHOOOO! (1 minute passes) I'm stuck...

• This IS a healthy meal! (said after eating a piece of chocolate fudge cake, a chocolate cookie, 3 pots of cream and a chocolate milkshake one lunch)

• I don't kick like a girl!

• Score! (Whenever he thinks he's done something right)

• (imitation of Saim said in posh accent) Boger off my estate please (Saim sent him a text with bugger spelt boger)

• Saim: Let me see your work joseph.
• Joseph: No (Shields work)
• Saim: I just want to check my answers.
• Joseph: For the last time go away!
• Saim: Just let me check them.
• Joseph: BUGGER OFF!

• Rebecca / Saim: Have You Kissed Eve Yet??
• Joseph: No. Bog Off!
• Rebecca / Saim: Have You Kissed Eve Yet??
• Joseph: Bugger Off!
• Rebecca / Saim: Have You Kissed Eve Yet??
• Joseph: P**s Off!
• Rebecca / Saim: Have You Kissed Eve Yet??
• Joseph: F*** Off!!

(see end of Interesting Things about Joseph)