Mrs Sellens

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Mrs Sellens is an odd teacher who teachers English at GCSE and English Combined at A level, and thinks that there is a "sexual connotation" behind everything. Her greatest motivation seems to be to keep everyone as happy as possible but has an unfortunate habit of doing this by shouting at whatever set she is teaching. In her search to please she has often been driven to extreme lengths such as hurling chairs at offending pupils and bringing in sweets for sets that drive her to tears (and a semi-mental breakdown).

She often hides failures in knowledge by ignoring questions or giving useless answers. Once when she was talking to Uzair (Or Hussain as she often calls him and sometimes even eeewsair,Husair and Hussar) he asked her if she thought that Hitler was a good topic to speak about she simply pretended that she was speaking to someone else and then threatened him with penalty points. She obviously thought about it that night as she did not threaten Matthew Hoyle with the same punishment when the Nazis cropped up in his work and Infact encouraged him to put a picture of the Nazis on a powerpoint. Often eccentric, her responses to problems will usually be ineffective. One example of such an occurrence was with the 2005-2007 English Combined set - where she decided not to teach the poem they were doing in an exam.

She seems to enjoy books with disapointing endings. Over the course of one term she had 07N read Stone Cold, Heroes and Oliver Twist.

A hard working, dedicated and diligent teacher who definitely tried her best however encountered pupils who just didn't want to learn in almost every class she taught. Finding this difficult she often tries unorthodox and innovative ideas to solve the problem. However as the students have little or no motivation to actually learn these attempt were often in vain.

She also blames people for things they havent done.When Matthew Hoyle fell over because Paul Burdekin had pulled his chair away she repremanded Matthew for silly behaviour somehow ignoring Paul gingerly replacing the chair.

She also seems to loathe reading Matthew Hoyle's work because she cannot read it and apparantly it was too complicated.

Despite her quirks, Mrs Sellens provided some of the best lessons for her "bottom set" GCSE English class of 2003-2005, especially when she read out the whole of the book, "Of Mice and Men" in an "American", or as its more commonly known - a Yorkshire, accent.

She also has been known to cry at the end of books such as Kes and Lord of the flies. Many a 9R student has seen a tear in her eye at the end of a very boring and equally pointless poem. She has also been known to go crazy in the year 9 magazine lessons, leaning over the computer benches and practically spitting in your face just because the article hasnt been done yet. Lets just say she likes to be in control. She is also adamant that her form (9s) will win the year 9 camp talent show, even though she never shuts up about 9R, even though she was watching 9S whilst teaching 9R.


  • "There is going to be a fire drill this morning but i wont tell you when
  • "Please take out your Stone Cold books"
  • "Could you please take out your copies of Stone Cold"
  • "Can you tell that Shelter is from the military?"
  • "You are all looking very trousers today!"
  • "I can spot a chewer 10 miles away!
  • "Is it Jade?" "No its Jake, miss"
  • "Go and look in the mirror!" (She points towards a window)
  • WHOOOPPPPPEEEEE! (In replace of sex from Romeo and Juliet)
  • Now class.....

One Liners

  • "Chewing gum is an illegal substance you know!"
  • "Matthew Hoyle your hand writing is purely awful try harder"
  • "It's Sellers with an 'N'"
  • "He said, "she shall be falling backwards when shes older". Do you understand the joke in that? Yes he means when you are having sex because you fall backwards and the man is on top of you. HaHaHaHa."
  • "Benny and Jerry's ice cream is taking over the world!"
  • "You are the chosen one's!"
  • "Alexandra Burke was the winner of the last X Files wasn't she?"
  • "Stop laughing! We're on the Radio!!!!"
  • "I do believe you are the PieMan."
  • "This is a candle (picking up a bottle) and I am a choir boy." Then she smashed the bottle to the floor shouthing "NO! WE DONT WANT THIS!"
  • "Thats "Stone" with an "e" class and I shall write it on the board for you."
  • "Replicate is just a posh word for duplicate."
  • Mrs S:"look, that painting look like the sort of thing the kraken would live in..." ( in reference ot the mural on the wall in room 25, and the poem the kraken....)"...all dark and gloomy..."

student:"and above ground" student 2:"and on fire..." (just for those of you who dont know what the kraken is...its a sea underwater :S. i swear mrs sellens is naturally blonde.) Mrs S:"Shhhhhh i'm using my imagination!" class laughes....

  • Whilst reading out a peice of work done on microsoft word....

Mrs S:"And i think this was the only one with no spelling mistakes!" student: ITS CALLED SPELL CHECK!" about 20 mins later she then tells us that if we do it on the computer we can use spell check to make it as perfect as the one she read out earlier.

  • " look at joey the perfect student yet again"
  • " yet again joey has got his work done even tho he speaks and disratcs everyone else he gets his done brilliantly"
  • "Joey has a heart of gold"
  • "One more thing and your in distruptive pupils!"
  • "Andrew, don't go floppy on me" (Class bursts into laughter)
  • "Witty "
  • "shush, shush, shush"
  • "let's have a mass debate"
  • "Everyone wants to be wild, to be free, to dance naked in the woods!" - (Referring to how the characters in Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" were acting entirely normally)
  • "Ideas, Attitudes, Values" - (whilst clicking fingers in triangle)
  • "Puuuuuuuuubic Haaaiirr" - (describing Rapunzel's' Hair)
  • "Sex is EVERYWHERE!"
  • "It's instinct, they just at the drop of a hat" (on the topic of monkeys)
  • "Someone asked me what dew was. I know they've never been outside but still.."
  • "I'm a tiger. Roar!"
  • "'Prick of noon', here Shakespeare is suggesting an erection" - (Romeo and Juliet analysis for GCSE [shortly after the wedding and just before Mercutio dies]).
  • "Sssssseassssssonsssss of misssssst and mellow fruitfullnesssssssss" - (whilest reading some poem or another in the GCSE anthology. Took about 5 times as long to read as it would if she hadn't got a lisp.)
  • "I want to motivate you to finish your coursework before Friday. I'll bring in sweets for those people who finish, I'll even bring in a whip" - (Comment directed at Karl Peel during a year 10 coursework lesson)
  • "It's like reclining the front seat of a car...get your spanner out!"
  • "Do you have your coursework? No? Well you better see me at the end of the lesson about dropping the course."
  • "If you don't like writing essays i would suggest you leave NOW!" - (if we were all honest she would be out of a job!)
  • "Like the cat in the adage..." (emits a very high pitched and strange sounding) "MEEEEEEOOOOOW"
  • "Oooh could somebody please put the air con on I'm very, very sweaty and I'm starting to smell." - (To class in freezing cold library)
  • "I love this lesson! People are thrusting things into my hot, sweaty hands!" (To year 12 english combined class as they hand in work)
  • Whilst standing in for Mr Neve in a 7N English lesson she explained how to spell every easy word in the dictionary including s-a-f-e-t-y ??!! :S Very weird. I mean, we're 11 and 12 year olds not toddlers and this is a G-R-A-M-M-A-R S-C-H-O-O-L
  • While standing in for Mr Spencer in a 7N(of 06-07) geography lesson she trys to put a video on. She can't work the video player. Says to class "Do any of you know how to work this thing?" Then starts shouting at them for about 10 minutes about not being able to work the video player. Now that class thinks she is a very stupid teacher because of this and the incident above this!
  • 8R (of 09/10) were outside the T buildings but weren't in a line. This annoys Mrs.Sellens so she shouts at them, "The whole point of queueing is that you...(Hesitates)queue"


  • Mrs Sellens: "Okay, so what is your opinion on this scene? Was Old Major right or wrong? Anybody? Remember this is your personal opinion. There is no right or wrong answer."

Anna: "er... I think he was right..." Mrs Sellens: "Wrong answer!!"

  • Mrs Sellens: "Ok, your story can be as fanciful as you like, you can do it about anything, unicorns, timetravel machines, anything"

[a lesson later, whilst commenting on one written about an American sniper]

  • Mrs Sellens"Its good, but don't you think its a little far fetched"

  • Mrs Sellens: "Alex wheres your book"
  • Alex: "Its at home miss I forgot it."
  • Mrs Sellens: "Where do you live ill drive you home I need that BOOK!"

  • Mrs Sellens: "I've had enough. BEN GET OUT!"

[Student picks up his books and moves towards the door]

  • Student: "You just told me to go out"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Oh. Well, I've changed my mind, go and sit down there"

  • Mrs Sellens: "Ashley, do you live in Ramsbottom??"
  • Student: "Yes"
  • Mrs Sellens: "I know where you live!!"
  • Student: "Oh crap..."

[Whilst Writing An Essay On Murder Mystery Stories For GCSE English]

  • Mrs Sellens: "Can anyone suggest a good murder mystery?"
  • Student: "Scary Movie!"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Is that a muder mystery
  • (another) Student: "Yes"
  • Mrs Sellens: "What rating is it?"
  • (yet another) Student: "12 miss. It's a 12. I have it on video"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Well, if you bring it in, we can watch it next lesson"

[Next Lesson]

  • Mrs Sellens: "Ok, we have to be quiet, Dr Robinson is ouside"


  • Mrs Sellens: "How do I work this thing?"

[Steff turns the TV on] [Scary Movie plays...] (For those of you who haven't seen it, Mrs Mann is a transexual teacher)

  • TV: "We all have our little secrets...."

[Mrs Mann's testicles fall out of her shorts] Mrs Sellens: "OK, OK, I think thats enough for today"

  • Mrs Sellens: "In Bacup there's a lot of UFO sightings ... in Bacup, the place that I live... where I live, Bacup... Bacup"
  • Student: "Where abouts in Bacup do you live, miss?"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Bacup? Why did you ask that - I don't live in Bacup"

[Teaching the Year 8 class of 2003-2004]

  • Student: To the dentist..
  • Mrs Sellens: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!
  • Student: I did..
  • Mrs Sellens: NO YOU DIDN'T!
  • (another) Student: Actually miss, she did..
  • Mrs Sellens: Well.. you should have sat at the front instead of disrupting my lesson!!

In a year 9 english practice lesson: Fionn (9r) was stood infront of mrs sellens putting his i-pod in his pocket.then; "mrs sellens":Fionn! I have had enough of you already get out of my sight!

[Pupils talk]

  • Sellens: I am not hard of hearing!

[Phone Rings]

  • Sellens: Did someone say something?

[This is true of 8B where Sam Straccia's phone went off at regular 20 minute intervals, and still Mrs Sellens didn't hear.]

  • [Sellens]Fionn, you can have your hand up for the rest of this lesson, [45 minutes] I won't answer any more of your questions!

[Walks half way around the room. Fionn still has his hand up] WHAT IS IT FIONN?"


9B -- Was 8B Then ; The Fire Alarm Was Going Off It T Rooms ; And She Wouldnt Let Us Out.. We Were Reading Philip Pullman.. LMAO ; So We Survived That.. Then The Next Lesson We Walked In ; And She'd Put A Padlock On The Fire Escape Door...

mrs sellens: *randomly stands up* I AM PROUD TO BE BRITISH! to 8B started year 7 in 2007

mrs sellens in room 25 "*looks at the "oncoming storm* (voodo picture* it looks like the end of the world! student: its called the on-coming storm mrs sellens: SHUSH! I AM USING MY IMMAGINATION!

whilst teachin 8B (intake 2007) everytime she turns her back on the class, as many people as can get away with it stand up. [sellens]"there is somehitng fishy going on here and i can't quite put my finger on it"

mrs sellens is bent over her desk marking work and the legend that is Harriet Nolan (8B) stands behind her witha feather duster 'thrusting' for 5 minutes before she gets bored that mrs sellens hasnt notcied and sits down. we have photos haha.

  • [sellens] okay, this is the last lesson on our stories. very very very last. deadline is on friday. i will not accept any stories later than fridays lesson
  • [pupil] miss we dont have a lesson on friday
  • [sellens]well whens the next lesson?
  • [pupil]thursday
  • [sellens] well you can hand them in on monday then.

Mrs Sellens was teaching 8R of 09/10 and was standing in front of me. A student on the row behind then asks a question.

  • Student: Miss, what does penetrate mean?
  • Sellens: Why do you want to know, its not even related to the work we're doing? (She did have a point)
  • Student: I just do.
  • OK, I suppose. (Picks up my ruler) If I were to take this ruler as my weapon of choice, and I stabbed him (Immitates stabbing me), I would penetrate his skin.-She then proceeds to carry on with the lesson as normal. Also, she could have just given him a dictionary. Why would anyone think of using THAT as an example?

During 8N's (2009/10) registration the bell rings, Mrs. Sellons: "Whos phone is that?" Class: "That would be the bell miss"