Mrs Chapman
Contents
Missed Vocation
Due to the fact she is the only teacher in the school to carry "Well done for trying!" stickers, and the fact every piece of work is stamped with a smilie, many believe Mrs Chapman actually trained to be a primary school teacher, yet was seen as too intelligent to teach differential equations to Year 3...
Quotes
~ "I made a boo boo"
~ "My x(as in ex-boy/girlfriend) is 4"
~ "Side heading "Examples" (repeated many times throughout lesson)
~ "S**t" [OK - three times in seven years, to my knowledge]
~ "You need a ruler and a sharpened pencil"
~ "Make sure you draw a clear, labelled diagram"
~ "Stripssss" (Deliberately trying to make the student laugh at the tenuous sexual connection)
~ "Splendish" (Comment on work, changed from 'splendid' as she realised that the mark was 9/10, not 10/10)
~ "Two!"
~ "C! C, c, c, c, c! If it's integration without limits we need a big fat C!!"
~ "Clearly I'm invisible.. oh well, I know my place..."
~ "Get those Zs crossed!"
~ "Natural log, not In!"
~ "Double underline your answers" - like we don't have better things to do...
~ Pupil: "Miss, you're on our campsite!" (Yr9 camp talk) Mrs. C: "Yeah I know, its gonna be well fun! I am so excited! Wheeeee!" *clapping hands excitedly*
~ "Emma. Bed."
~ "Am I allowed to come in and root around?"
~ "Well, when you find out the words (to the hula song from dirty dancing) come and find me in the staffroom and you can sing to me!" OK...
~ "Nobody puts baby in a corner!"
~ Mrs. C spends 10 mins typing our homework and an accompanying message that wishes us a good weekend into a lovely pink box on the computer using special font and pretty colours. Only to press the OK button and find it has disappeared: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! NO! NO! NO! That took me AGES! Urgh! How annoying. Oh well." Nice recovery miss!
Papa's got a brand new bag (of tent poles)
Some fool says...
Recently published photos of year 9 camp yield a proportion of photographs of Mrs Chapman that, to some, seems too many standard deviations away from the mean. The question is: which photographic fiend harbours a secret yearning for Mrs C, expressed only through their happy-snapping?
David Bailey replies...
'Photographic Fiend' answers: "Interesting point. I will, of course, make sure in future that published photos bear a more representative sample of all the happy campers to keep everyone happy. During the week 315 photos were taken and the great majority of these photos were taken nowhere near Mrs C. Indeed, there are also 4 photos of Mr Ventress from the same week. Don't worry, I'm going to talk to my therapist about it."
