Revision as of 19:17, 12 January 2007

The Cautionary Tale of Mr. Elkington and the Condom Head

It was a cold September lunchtime, and some Year 11 boys had been taking advantage of the Waterfoot Health Centre's generous provision of free condoms to under 16s. The boys then proceeded to hand the prophylactics out to fellow pupils. Bradley Smith, a student well-known for his mindless antics and japery was one of the pupils handed such a sheath. Bradley then took it upon himself to place the condom over his head, to just below the nose, and inflate the sexual implement by blowing ferociously through his nasal passage until the condom had extended to two feet above his head. When the condom had reached maximum capacity, Bradley decided it was probably a good idea to try to get into the extension corridor, spurred on by his 'friends' shaking his head in a jolly fashion. However, when Bradley reached the doorway leading onto the extension corridor, he was met by a rather less amused, but rather more embarrassed Mr. Elkington, who then ordered for the removal of the condom from the pupil's head. He then walked off with the condom in his right hand (no doubt saving it for a Sixth Former in need of protection) and informed an onlooking Mrs Young. She ensured that, although she 'does not like discipline', Bradley was expelled the very same day.

Quotes

• "I'm thinking jeans. I'm thinking rips. I'm thinking... no."

Also known as

Stephen Hawkins

Assembly

• "If you're on my board, you aren't in trouble I just need to see you"
• "Right then lets make a start"
• "I don't normally have to wait for you..."
• "I'm told nobody listens to me, so here is someone you will listen to...trying to supplant me again John?" (in assembly)
• "This is the last deadline to send in your UCAS forms."
• "I'd just like to remind you that these assemblies are a vital forum of communication"
• "Tom that was awesome."

'For those of you receiveing the vast, wide reaching benefits of the EMA payment scheme...' (every single assmebly)

• "yes i do go to kay steet babtist church."