James Lendrum

Details

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James looking happy, and not without reason!

Full Name: James 'Lenny' Lendrum

Hobbies: Making business cards and fiddling with a picture of himself

Known Aliases: James, Lenny, Lenster, Lennerd, Lynard, Lenboy, Lenrod, Lendy, Len-meister, Lendizzle, Lenshizzle, Lenundrum, Lenmeister, That-guy-from-the-Kooks, Bob Dylenny, "OI! HAIRY FREAK!".

Shorterned version of his dictionary definition: Complete Legend

Self-Proclaimed Titles: The Ineffable Lenny, The Mighty Bouf

The underlined word often changes depending on Lennys mood. He sometimes also changes his "name" - The Ineffable Suit (work experience), Nose (random). His various adjectives have been:

• The Ineffable Lenny
• The Infallible Lenny
• The Inflatable Lenny
• The Inflammable Lenny
• The Inedible Lenny

As can be seen, these adjectives follow the pattern of in- words.

The Mighty Bouf, should you not know, refers to Lenny's afro-like hair, and is a reference to the TV program "The Mighty Boosh". Though no-one knows why this is so.

Lenny - The Man Behind the Legend

Said to be the lead singer from The Kooks, Lenny is well-renowned for his curly locks, often recalling the event in manchester where some member of the public shouted, "Hey! Look everybody! It's that guy from the Kooks!" while peacefully shopping in GAME.

A Legend in his own right, Lenny has been known as "Lenny" to the masses for a relatively short amount of time. He insists that he has been known as "Lenny" since he was about 6, but no-one believes him. Most people had never heard of Lenny until after Year 9 camp. In fact he fondly rattles off various anecdotes in which people hear him being called Lenny and reply "You mean you're Lenny?! I thought you were James Lendrum!" or vice versa. He once had someone tell him they thought that James Lendrum and Lenny were two completely different people... and neither of them him!

It seems that from around the start of Year 10 he took off and soon became the infamous little scamp he is today.

As will be discussed in this article Lenny is well-known for various things including his hair, his sites, his books, his complete inability to play Pool, and the fact that he scares not one, not two, but at least a small handful of people... oh! And his love of hats.

Hats off to the Master!

The picture that started it all!

Lennys love for hats started after he took a picture of himself instead of revising for his Physics mock (consequently, he only scored 84%).

He eventually began doctoring this picture in his favourite image ediotr - Macromedia Fireworks.

Starting with only a few hats - a fishermans, and a green bowler hat perched precariously on his solid mass of hair - this soon expanded into the 17 or so we know today, with more being added all the time. They can all be viewed on his highly successful website, which we will touch upon at a later stage.

Due to popular request, a list of the more famous hats has been compiled, and Lenny has added the photos to his Myspace:

• Fishing Hat Lenny
• Green Bowler Lenny
• Pope Lenny (complete with staff)
• Pimp Lenny (with hat, starry glasses and green, furry coat)
• Diving Helmet Lenny
• Two Pirate hats (with a parrot and eyepatch)
• Santa Clens
• Psychotic Lenny (complete with Chainsaw)
• Clown Lenny (he may be allergic to face paint, but that doesn't stop him... he looks quite scary actually)
• Viking Lenny

To Pot or not to Pot, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the Slinger and arrows of outrageous fluke shots...

Lenny on the recent BRGS Pink Day. Notice the angle of the hat...

Sixth Form has so far been kind to Lenny. Not only does he fit in perfectly with the friendly and slightly mad Lower Sixth crew (see Kroll and Heskey), but he has already proven himself a Pool-Shark, albeit a rather bad one. Often he can be found potting 3 or 4 balls off the break in a superb run, before sinking suddenly into a pit of skilllessness, as if he had been successfully navigating his way down a green, furry shopping street before suddenly falling into the deep, dark abyss of a pocket-like manhole. Occassionally he pops back up onto the shopping street with a miraculous pot of unrivalled skill... then falling back into another open manhole.

Off the table, however, Lenny has knowledge of the game second only to most of the Pool-Crew. Often livening up a game with general advice, arguing with the other onlookers on whether you should have two shots on the black, or by just shouting "DOUBLE IT!! Tss! If you'd have doubled it it would have gone in!".

To say he is so bad, he has actually won some games:

• Beating James Whish once in a doubles match
• Beating Rob Shepherd once in a doubles match
• Beating Liam Collopy... by default
• Beating Dom Lord twice on the trot (one was by default), and once more pretty recently.
• Beating Joe Burrows three times! (albeit all by default)

Yeah, not the best of records, but he's managed to beat 3 whole people by playing and winning properly. Good on him.

His losses, however, are to numerous to number. Some of the most memorable are:

• Being beatne by Johnathan Haworth 18 times in a row (he kep potting the black whilst Lenny cleared up his balls still on the table)
• 7-balled twice in a row by Johnathan Haworth as he tried to smash is record of 18 (reaching only 16)

Lenny also had a hand in Kroll setting the record for racking.

Lenny is currently taking part in the Lower Sixth Pool Doubles Tournament with partner Rob Pilling (poor Rob). He has odds of 100:1 on him winning - something that has already been taken advantage of by several students. The bookies have so far taken in nearly £2 of bets on Lenny. Should he win, they will all be broke.

So far Lenny and Rob have played two games... losing both.

The first was against Chris Salford and Tasha - a very close game, starting with a lot of turns on the break, before ending with a lot of turns on the black. Tasha eventually put the spectators out of their misery, potting the black and winning the game.

The second was against Ed Sargeant and Shaun Moxham (though Shaun didn't turn up) - Eddie started with an amazing break, potting two of each colour. Every single shot afterwards saw a ball feakily dropping into a pocket. This was kind of bemusing as Eddie pointed the cue at the white ball, and hit as hard as he coukd. Rob eventually potted the black with a great cannon, losing the game.

Never Fear! Lenny's Hair is Here!

One of Lenny's main points of reference is his unkempt hair. Like a painting with a tree stuck in the middle making people instantly look at it, the hair of our subject sticks out like sore thumb in a tub of drawing pins.

It has been hypothesised that, similar to Bob Marley's hair, Lenny has various different species of animal (many undiscovered species), ranging from spider to vole to tribe of Albino Pygmies, that call it home.

The hair has often been the source of many comments and wilful looks. He has been asked whether it is natural (110%), when he last had a hair cut (six weeks ago - but only a trim. Not a proper one for nearly a year), what he would look like with it all shaved off (daft) and, most importantly, whether he is the lead singer from popular band The Kooks (sadly, no).

Let me spell it out for you

Unbeknownst to many, Lenny (hey! That rhymes!) is not only a avid reader and lover of the written word, but also a writer, with over 30 ideas for books (many in the process of being started). Most of these books are set in Lenny's fictional world - Muldrum. More about these can be found on Lenny's main site (The Ineffable Lenny), and soon on his The Worlds of Muldrum site.

Unfortunately Lenny keeps a lot of his works hidden on his computer, allowing only a few people to read them.

The site of all things groovy

Known to many, Lenny (I'm a poet and I didn't have a clue) has his own website, and has had for at least 2 years, with his own highly-popular 'Digibrain' page a year or so before. However, not many people know that Lenny has more than one site. In his time he has had no les then 7 sites.

The site that everyone knows is "The Ineffable Lenny" (see link at bottom of page). This site has a general About Lenny page, and various tings that Lenny adds to every fortnight. These include a page of his favourite links, some random things he has found on the internet and come up with himself and, of course, his controversially popular "The [Four] Books of Lenny". These 10 books follow the Prophet Lenny on his joke-telling journeys around Escalote (one of the worlds of Muldrum).

At the time of writing, Lenny is redesigning his three main sites stating in a Myspace Bulletin that:

"Some of you may be wondering what on earth has happened to the site. Some of you may be asking why it hasn't been updated in over a month. Some of you could be seething at the thought that I think you care. . . . The main point is that The Ineffable Lenny, The Worlds of Muldrum and Lenco. Productions UK Ltd (yes, three of them!!) are all being redesigned. That's right, I've decided to throw myself in at the deep end and redesign each one comepletely from scratch. That means no templates, no adapting code for my own use and I get to play with CSS! Yay! . . . Talking about CSS, I might have 3 or 4 colour schemes for each site that you can change with the click of a button, and a menu system that you can change. . . . I'll even make some new Lenny cards."

Random Facts and Figures

Although known by many, Lenny (I've done it again!) is still a mystery. One such question left unanswered is, "How tall is he without his hair?" or "He's never seemed to take an interest in Girls. Is he gay?"

In answer to these:

• Without his hair which, along with his head, weighs 3kgs (ys, he weighed it for me) Lenny is 174cm tall. Which is about 5' 8". With his hair, Lenny shoots up to over 6' - his hair clocking in at an amazing 6 inches long.
• No Leny is not gay. He does, in fact, like a girl a lot. He will not tell me her name, sadly, but says he's liked her since Yr. 9 camp - that's over 2 and a half years! Talk about a crush.

THE GIRL HE HAS A CRUSH ON IS........JENNY AMMAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....

Quotes

Although Lenny comes out with some corkers, they are the things that are hard to remember.

Too such things, however, are:

• DOUBLE IT!!
• So I says to Maybel I says, "I must slip out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini!"

Links and References

Lenny's sites can be found at:

• The Ineffable Lenny
• The Worlds of Muldrum
• Lenco. Productions

Lenny's Myspace can be found at:

• The Ineffable Myspace