Mr Coulston

Art teacher. It is unknown whether he has retired or not - he pops up everywhere to scare the young 'uns. He comes up with bad excuses for being in school, like "I need to come in to give people Christmas cards."

"You haven't got any Christmas cards."

"Oh yes, erm, I must have forgotten them."

"Why didn't you post them?"

He walked away quickly.His favourite form is 9G. Always 9G. This year's 9G. Last year's 9G. Etc.

Has a strange liking for John Byrne. I say strange because John did absolutely no work in any of his lessons.

He taught the G form of the 2003 intake for all three years of compulsory art, and told them stories about his life, which were so interesting nobody got any work done. A few weeks before year 9 camp we discovered his love of Bob Dylan after seeing posters on the cupboards. We loved him so much that we sang the most famous Bob Dylan song, "How many roads must a man walk down?" at year 9 camp, as not only had he taught us for all three years we had art, he was retiring. It was beautiful. (being 9G, we were his favourite form at the time).

Always taught in room 69, especially G of 2003 intake, and he only ever missed one of their lessons. As he was only seen entering school once in three years we all thought he lived in that room, and had a fold-out bed behind the white-board.

Quotes

• Some pupils of the 7G class of 05/06 came to their art lesson a little early. They were greeted by Mr. Coulston with a menacing look across his face, rubbing his hands together and a camera round his neck, saying "come back later, I have BUSINESS to attend to!". The horrified year 7's slowly backed away.

• Alright class, I've had enough. I'll just continue to make you go up and down, up and down, until I'm satisfied. Stunned yet disgusted silence from majority of class, several stifled laughs from the corner.

• "Jack, if you don't shut up right now you'll get it straight away." (WE all know what he really meant!)

• David Foxcroft ensues in a fit of coughing: "David, just die quietly will you?"

We must mention the Ben Jones incident of class 9S 2005/06. Mr Coulston and him never got on all year, so it was going to come to a bloody end. And so it did. Ben very sneakily dropped a branch on Mr Cs toe. He claimed it was an accident but it is unknown whether it was. Poor Mr C still had a sore toe weeks after at year nine camp. Not long after he retired.

However, most of the class liked Mr C and enjoyed their time with him. He frequently visits the infamous BRGS and always says hi, well almost always... maybe not to Ben Jones.