Miss Hartley

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  • Miss. Hartley is a very charitable Chemistry teacher. For 45 minutes of work, she may allot a 1 minute and 23 second break for all your hard work.
  • If you look at the 'fume cupboard' in Room 3 on the balcony, you will notice that the back of it is metal. This sheet of metal hides the wall which had been blackened with soot and this was the doing of Miss Hartley, who told her Year 7s to make small models of houses which she would test to see which was best at withstanding fires. However, after vigorously stressing no flammable substances were to be used, one of the students disobeyed her, and the gullible Hartley set Adam Nixon's paper house and nearly most of the school on fire, causing a small but memorable explosion in Room 3. What a legendary moment!
  • She likes to talk about her feotus.
  • Annoyingly to some people says 'bwut' instead of 'but'.
  • Tends to treat any class below Sixth Form like primary school children, e.g. drawing a goggles symbol on the board, rewarding good behaviour with use of the whiteboards.
  • She is actually married.
  • Before she was employed full time she did some temporary work with a Year 11 class circa 2004/5. She had the class for 8 weeks during which time they learnt absolutely nothing. It was then up to the Bowdenator to save the day on her return with two intense hours of Chesmistry so her set could learn the entire topic again. After the Summer (and GCSE exams) those of the set who stayed on for sixth form were horrified to learn that she had been employed as a full time Science teacher.
  • She often gets things wrong and whenever a student corrects her tells them "I was just testing you!" or blames the day of the week and time of day on it. Even if it's Wednesday afternoon and she's had frees all morning.
  • She claims to vegetarian, and told a 7N Science class she didnt like working with animals but really really enjoyed hacking her way through a chicken leg! Joe Kielty nearly threw up because blood kept flying all over her gloves.
  • When she was on maternity leave, her lessons were covered by Dr Vickers.

Aid me, aid me, aid me, aid me please: there's a girl on my campsite who's been stung by bees...

Miss. Hartley is first aider at Year 9 Camp. She keeps an iron fist upon the medecine cabinet, but probably does a better job than Mrs Gregson, who, as a first aider, reportedly fainted at the sight of a finger cut on a potato peeler.


Either Miss. Hartley has OCD, or she is strange. Very strange indeed. You see, she is OBSESSED with objectives. As soon as you walk through the door, "Hello Year 7, get your bags out, NO TALKING JOANNA!!!, and write down the objectives. I will give you 2 minutes (when there are usually 10 5 lined paragraphs)


  • "Right Year 9."
  • "I'm waiting!"
  • Also to the same form: "I am waiting 8S! Wait a minute... I forgot my watch today but I am still looking at my imaginary one on my wrist!"
  • "When I go home at the end of the day, back to my periodic table-shaped house..."
  • "Board looking at this one please."
  • "If you're good you'll get to use the whiteboards!"
  • "OK then class, let's have a game of verbal football!"
  • Miss H: "X-Rays help people to see inside of you, for instance: if I was a doctor, I would love to see inside of you all to see what is there!"

Student : "Everyone cover up, she's trying to look at your underwear!"

  • "My dream job would be to become a tomato farmer."
  • "What's the answer claarrssssss?!"
  • "If you want to talk Joe, put your hand up." He does so. "Now I can ignore you until the end of the lesson."
  • "Errmm (in her high pitched voice).... Year 9, does all this talking mean you have finsihed you work?"
  • "I'm putting time at break on the board!"

"Okay, you've deserved a 2 minuites and 34second break, use your time wisely."

  • "Sit down, look this way and listen, three instructions there!"
  • "Year 10, I'm timing youuuuuuuuuuu." (She had a stopclock in her hand)
  • "The proton number of sodium is, erm, 17, or is it 16, I really can't remember... (looking up into the air, muttering to herself) NO, it's definitely 17!" Emma: "Miss, it is 17." Miss: "Oh, is it 17? YES!!! I can now enter the periodic table olympics!!!"
  • "You aren't listening!"
  • "That's defiance, and thats an hour after school."
  • "This video takes aproximatly 19 minutes and 17 seconds."
  • "Would you reveal to the whole class that you are clearly getting old??? NO! Well she did, "Sorry Year 7, you will have to speak up a bit and listen more because I am starting to have hearing problems." Guess what the topic was ......... hearing and sound.