Miss Bowden

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Miss Bowden with something on her car.

Miss Bowden is the current Head of Chemistry at BRGS. She rarely teaches lower school and even more rarely teaches out of Room 1. Her speciality in the A Level syllabus is organic chemistry.


Miss Bowden has a reputation for being highly eccentric in lessons; she has been known to tear up people's notes and melt their pens/ burn their pencils if they were written while she was talking, and provides all her A Level sets with a 'mechanisms pen' which takes the form of a red biro and is forbidden from any use other than drawing mechanisms.

The most apparent aspect of her personality is her wit. Whenever someone does something of which she in some way disapproves (or sometimes approves), she will make a sarcastic remark which generally has the effect of lightening the mood of the rest of the set. Any who try to match wits with Miss Bowden almost invariably fall to some well prepared comeback.

She has a tendency to pick on people who are generally less intelligent. While this may sound like a tactic to make them pay attention it is not.

Once put a kid (Tom Davies) on the audit sheet for nearly running over him.

Students talking in her class often found themselves subject to target practice with bits of chalk. Due to this, the change to whiteboards (and their associated pens) was not welcomed by her students in general, as covert conversations became rather more hazardous.


"Can anyone drive? Go out and move my car"

"If your work is late you'll get referred. Unless you attach some chocolate to it. Or a bottle of wine. Red wine. And none of that cheap rubbish either.."

"This is NOT a lab and I am NOT eating my lunch" (while eating a sandwich in room 1)

"You better not be using your mechanism pen for anything other than mechanisms!!"

"So if I dressed up as you and sat your exams, which I would, for a fee.."

"And youre rubbing it between your fingers, and you think..'mm this feels nice'...but its actually dissolving your skin!"

"You could make soap by boiling up a baby I suppose"

"YES! And we'll do that with a special drippy device!"

"Whoever put tinfoil is wrong. TINFOIL is made out of TIN- NOT aluminium."

"Miss can we do an experiment?" "Yeah sure, I'll go and get some magnesium" (this being in a General Studies lesson)

"Now as you know Consultation Evening is coming up...bribes will be accepted...I like dark chocolate...not half eaten either"

"An effective way of remembering this is to repeat it over and over out loud in public....electrophilic addition to alkenes, electrophilic addition to alkenes, electrophilic addition to alkenes... you get some funny looks but at least you'll remember it"

"Right class, I want you to go away and think about this for one hour, preferably whilst you're out doing something this shows you're applying it to daily life"

Organic Chemical Smells

(At front of laboratory with large bottles of esters) "Don't SNIFF, WAFT"

"Come here and have a Waft of these... except this one, it's mine and it smells too nice for YOU"

(First lesson in Year 12) "Right now this is <insert smelly chemical>... remember WAFT... (passes to nearest student)... Now pass this around don't hog it..."

  • student wafts then reluctantly passes it round*
  • Bottle gets to the end of the class*

"Nobody has Asthma do they?"

  • first student puts hand up*

"Oh erm well... just go and sit at the back of the class... yes... do you feel alright...??"


  • "Luke! I hope your pants are up"
  • "Stop writing or I'll melt your pen"
  • "If I find you chewing your mechanisms pen then I'll MAKE you buy a new one"
  • "They better not be blocking me in"
  • "If anyone asks, Mr Ormerod let you out early." (She employed this tactic before he moved schools, but when he had, it was suffixed by:)

"Say it quickly then run... if its Doc Rob or someone they might never notice..."

"There are 80 students doing chemistry this year, the highest ever and i am the head of chemistry so i can throw you off the course"

Conversations in the room with Dr Robinson

Doc Rob: *Bursts in to lesson door slams against wall* "YOU ARE BLOCKING ME IN!"

Miss Bowden: "Do you need to get out now?"

Doc Rob: "No but I will do ten minutes into Period 3"

Miss Bowden: "I'll go and move my car..."

Doc Rob: "No no no don't do that, it'd disrupt your lesson and I wouldn't want to do that..."

Miss Bowden: *Gives Doc Rob the "What do you think you're doing now then?" stare*

Doc Rob: "Erm... Yes..." *whilst walking out the door* "CARRY ON!"

Miss Bowden: "For homework, answers to why that just happened, bring them to the next lesson..."

Contested Legend Status

Apparent proof that she has attained legend status, Miss Bowden now has her own random fact generator. This is an honour no teacher has previously had bestowed upon them. Although, Mrs Gregson has had a question generator made.

Also, Miss Bowden is credited with holding the lesson where the Benzene Dance was first performed.