Upper Common Room

The Upper Common Room was built directly above the Lower Common Room as a metaphor for the nature of adolescence, or so claims architect Sir Norbert Roster. The distinguishing feature of this common room, aside from the two pool tables and canteen, is the lack of anyone that might be characterised by its denizens as 'dirty moshers'.

Are you in the Upper Common Room? A self-help guide for the confused

• Is the temperature approaching 30 degrees C due to the density of people?
• Is there an unpleasant smell of tuna bake emanating from a canteen?
• Have you just tried to exit, but been thwarted by a locked door?
• Has the same song been played 3 times since you arrived, interspersed by ringtone adverts?
• Is a person wearing a Pantera hoodie wandering around looking vaguely disconcerted?

If you answered 'yes' to more than one of the above, you may very well be in the Upper Common Room. Go and get a biscuit while you're there, fattie.