Mrs Sellens

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Mrs Sellens is an odd teacher who teachers English at GCSE and English Combined at A level, and thinks that there is a "sexual connotation" behind everything. Her greatest motivation seems to be to keep everyone as happy as possible but has an unfortunate habit of doing this by shouting at whatever set she is teaching. In her search to please she has often been driven to extreme lengths such as hurling chairs at offending pupils and bringing in sweets for sets that drive her to tears (and a semi-mental breakdown).

She often hides failures in knowledge by ignoring questions or giving useless answers. Often eccentric, her responses to problems will usually be ineffective. One example of such an occurrence was with the 2005-2007 English Combined set - where she decided not to teach the poem they were doing in an exam.

A hard working, dedicated and diligent teacher who definitely tried her best however encountered pupils who just didn't want to learn in almost every class she taught. Finding this difficult she often tries unorthodox and innovative ideas to solve the problem. However as the students have little or no motivation to actually learn these attempt were often in vain.

Despite her quirks, Mrs Sellens provided some of the best lessons for her "bottom set" GCSE English class of 2003-2005, especially when she read out the whole of the book, "Of Mice and Men" in an "American", or as its more commonly known - a Yorkshire, accent.

Quotes

"I'm reporting you to Mrs Gretson!"

One Liners

  • " Witty "
  • "shush, shush, shush"
  • "let's have a mass debate"
  • "Everyone wants to be wild, to be free, to dance naked in the woods!" - (Referring to how the characters in Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" were acting entirely normally)
  • "Ideas, Attitudes, Values" - (whilst clicking fingers in triangle)
  • "Puuuuuuuuubic Haaaiirr" - (describing Rapunzel's' Hair)
  • "Sex is EVERYWHERE!"
  • "It's instinct, they just at the drop of a hat" (on the topic of monkeys)
  • "Someone asked me what dew was. I know they've never been outside but still.."
  • "I'm a tiger. Roar!"
  • "'Prick of noon', here Shakespeare is suggesting an erection" - (Romeo and Juliet analysis for GCSE [shortly after the wedding and just before Mercutio dies]).
  • "Sssssseassssssonsssss of misssssst and mellow fruitfullnesssssssss" - (whilest reading some poem or another in the GCSE anthology. Took about 5 times as long to read as it would if she hadn't got a lisp.)
  • "I want to motivate you to finish your coursework before Friday. I'll bring in sweets for those people who finish, I'll even bring in a whip" - (Comment directed at Karl Peel during a year 10 coursework lesson)
  • "It's like reclining the front seat of a car...get your spanner out!"
  • "Do you have your coursework? No? Well you better see me at the end of the lesson about dropping the course."
  • "If you don't like writing essays i would suggest you leave NOW!" - (if we were all honest she would be out of a job!)
  • "Like the cat in the adage..." (emits a very high pitched and strange sounding) "MEEEEEEOOOOOW"
  • "Oooh could somebody please put the air con on I'm very, very sweaty and I'm starting to smell." - (To class in freezing cold library)
  • "I love this lesson! People are thrusting things into my hot, sweaty hands!" (To year 12 english combined class as they hand in work)

Whilst standing in for Mr Neve in a 7N English lesson she explained how to spell every easy word in the dictionary including s-a-f-e-t-y ??!! :S Very weird. I mean, we're 11 and 12 year olds not toddlers and this is a G-R-A-M-M-A-R S-C-H-O-O-L

Conversations

  • Mrs Sellens: "Okay, so what is your opinion on this scene? Was Old Major right or wrong? Anybody? Remember this is your personal opinion. There is no right or wrong answer."

Anna: "er... I think he was right..." 'Mrs Sellens: "Wrong answer!!"


  • Mrs Sellens: "Ok, your story can be as fanciful as you like, you can do it about anything, unicorns, timetravel machines, anything"

[a lesson later, whilst commenting on one written about an American sniper]

  • Mrs Sellens"Its good, but don't you think its a little far fetched"


  • Mrs Sellens: "I've had enough. BEN GET OUT!"

[Student picks up his books and moves towards the door]

  • Mrs Sellens: "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"
  • Student: "You just told me to go out"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Oh. Well, I've changed my mind, go and sit down there"


  • Mrs Sellens: "Ashley, do you live in Ramsbottom??"
  • Student: "Yes"
  • Mrs Sellens: "I know where you live!!"
  • Student: "Oh crap..."


[Whilst Writing An Essay On Murder Mystery Stories For GCSE English]

  • Mrs Sellens: "Can anyone suggest a good murder mystery?"
  • Student: "Scary Movie!"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Is that a muder mystery
  • (another) Student: "Yes"
  • Mrs Sellens: "What rating is it?"
  • (yet another) Student: "12 miss. It's a 12. I have it on video"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Well, if you bring it in, we can watch it next lesson"

[Next Lesson]

  • Mrs Sellens: "Ok, we have to be quiet, Dr Robinson is ouside"

[Pause]

  • Mrs Sellens: "How do I work this thing?"

[Steff turns the TV on] [Scary Movie plays...] (For those of you who haven't seen it, Mrs Mann is a transexual teacher)

  • TV: "We all have our little secrets...."

[Mrs Mann's testicles fall out of her shorts] Mrs Sellens: "OK, OK, I think thats enough for today"


  • Mrs Sellens: "In Bacup there's a lot of UFO sightings ... in Bacup, the place that I live... where I live, Bacup... Bacup"
  • Student: "Where abouts in Bacup do you live, miss?"
  • Mrs Sellens: "Bacup? Why did you ask that - I don't live in Bacup"

[Teaching the Year 8 class of 2003-2004]

  • Mrs Sellens: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!
  • Student: To the dentist..
  • Mrs Sellens: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!
  • Student: I did..
  • Mrs Sellens: NO YOU DIDN'T!
  • (another) Student: Actually miss, she did..
  • Mrs Sellens: Well.. you should have sat at the front instead of disrupting my lesson!!


[Pupils talk]

  • Sellens: I am not hard of hearing!

[Phone Rings]

  • Sellens: Did someone say something?

[This is true of 8B where Sam Straccia's phone went off at regular 20 minute intervals, and still Mrs Sellens didn't hear.]

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