Mrs Sellens

Mrs Sellens is an odd teacher who teachers English at GCSE and English Combined at A level, and who thinks that there is a "sexual connotation" behind everything. Her greatest motivation seems to be to keep everyone as happy as possible but has an unfortunate habit of doing this by shouting at whatever set she is teaching. In her search to please she has often been driven to extreme lengths such as hurling chairs at offending pupils and bringing in sweets for sets that drive her to tears and a semi-mental breakdown.

She often hides failures in knowledge by ignoring questions or giving useless answers. Often excentric, her responses to problems will usually be ineffective. One example of such an occurence was with a 2005-2007 English Combined set where she decided not to teach the poem they were doing in an exam.

Quotes

" Witty " "shush, shush, shush"

"let's have a mass debate"

"Everyone wants to be wild, to be free, to dance naked in the woods!" (Referring to how the characters in Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" were acting entirely normally)

"Ideas, Attitudes, Values" (whilst clicking fingers in triangle)

"Puuuuuuuuubic Haaaiirr" (describing Rapunzel's' Hair)

"Sex is EVERYWHERE!"

"It's instinct, they just at the drop of a hat" (on the topic of monkeys)

"Someone asked me what dew was. I know they've never been outside but still.."

"I'm a tiger. Roar!"

"'Prick of noon', here Shakespeare is suggesting an erection" Romeo and Juliet analysis for GCSE (shortly after the wedding and just before Mercutio dies).

"It's like reclining the front seat of a car...get your spanner out!"

"Sssssseassssssonsssss of misssssst and mellow fruitfullnesssssssss" whilest reading some poem or another in the GCSE anthology. Took about 5 times as long to read as it would if she hadn't got a lisp.

"I want to motivate you to finish your coursework before Friday. I'll bring in sweets for those people who finish, I'll even bring in a whip" - Comment directed at Karl Peel during a year 10 coursework lesson

"Ok, your story can be as fanciful as you like, you can do it about anything, unicorns, timetravel machinces, anything" *writes story about an american sniper* "Its good, but don't you think its a little far fetched"

Mrs Sellens: "I've had enough. BEN GET OUT!"

• Ben picks up his books and moves towards the door*

Mrs Sellens: "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" Ben: "You just told me to go out" Mrs Sellens: "Oh. Well, I've changed my mind, go and sit down there"

(Whilst reading Macbeth) "Like the cat in the adage..."(emits a very high pitched and strange sounding) "MEEEEEEOOOOOW"

(Talking about places) "Ashley, do you live in Ramsbottom??" ashley:"Yes" Sellens: "I know where you live!!" Ashley: "Oh crap..."

[Whilst Writing An Essay On Murder Mystery Stories For GCSE English]

Sellens: "Can anyone suggest a good murder mystory?"

Student: "Scary Movie!"

Sellens: "Is that a muder mystory?"

(another) Student: "Yes"

Sellens: "What rating is it?"

(yet another) Student: "12 miss. It's a 12. I have it on video"

Sellens: "Well, if you bring it in, we can watch it next lesson"

[Next Lesson] Sellens: "Ok, we have to be quiet, Dr Robbinson is ouside"

• pause

Sellens: "How do I work this thing?"

• Steff turns the TV on
• Scary Movie plays...

(For those of you who haven't seen it, Mrs Mann is a transexual teacher)

"Do you have your coursework? No? Well you better see me at the end of the lesson about dropping the course."

"If you don't like writing essays i would suggest you leave NOW!" (if we were all honest she would be out of a job!)

TV: "We all have our little secrets...."

• Mrs Mann's balls fall out of her shorts

Sellens: "OK, OK, I think thats enough for today"

• Sellens: "In Bacup there's a lot of UFO sightings ... in Bacup, the place that I live... where I live, Bacup... Bacup"
• Student: "Where abouts in Bacup do you live, miss?"
• Sellens: "Bacup? Why did you ask that - I don't live in Bacup"

[Teaching the Year 8 class of 2003-2004]

Sellens: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!

Tasha: To the dentist..

Sellens: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!

Tasha: I did..

Sellens: NO YOU DIDN'T!

Alison: Actually miss, she did..

Sellens: Well.. you should have sat at the front instead of disrupting my lesson!!

• To class in freezing cold library:"oooh could somebody please put the air con on i'm very very sweaty and i'm starting to smell."