Dr Ellis
More commonly known as Trellis, Drellis ... or Dr "Love Doctor" Ellis. Is famous for his ability to understand the need for colouring in activities and his knowledge of Korfball.
Dr Ellis is also the number one authority in the country on the structure and mechanisms of whelk hearts. If you have any queries about whelk hearts or whelks in general, you know where to turn!
Embarrassingly beaten in an arm wrestle by a year 7 girl in the good old year of 2003. He will often ask you to sort out your uniform and then chase after you to see if you've done it!
He was seen in asda with Ms Dougherty.
Has now left the school, to go work at Clitheroe Royal grammar school...
Quotes
- "Nobody's listening to me..."
- "When I die I won't have Rigor Mortis. But when someone notices I'm not around, and they find me in a couple of weeks time, then I'll have Rigor Mortis!" (worth pointing out that this isn't true, as Rigor Mortis fades after 72 hours)
- When asked if he wanted to be buried, cremated, pickled or fried when dead: "I want to be cut up and fed to the pigs. It's more environmentally friendly"
- In one of his end of topic revision tests: "Charles Darwin was Born with a Beard"
- In same test: "True or false: DNA DOES stand for Deoxyidonotlooklikejohnosheaneuclaic acid"
- Dr Ellis: "It's just like milking a shrew"
Student: "Why would you want to milk a shrew?"
Dr Ellis: (like it is the most obvious thing in the world) "To get shrew milk!"
- "You can only get oily by touching yourself" (explaining how hands can get greasy)
- "One divided by infinity = one... forever..." Elongated pensive look
- "I am a bit of a geezer sometimes"
- "We could have been onto the next topic by now. You could have had homework and everything, but now you've gone and spoilt it all!" (seems genuinely upset)
- "Hammer time! Do a little dance!" (does a little dance)
- "Look at the nice cats!"
- "Touch that once more and you'll miss the penguins!"
- "It's a vicious cycle!" (accompanied by an obscure hand gesture)
- "I know it may not be immediately obvious, but this is a plant, and this is a leaf" (pointing to a drawing of what is very obviously a plant and a leaf)
- When a year 7 was running to catch up with Mr Spencer: "RUN LIKE THE WIND, MR SPENCER!"
- "I've put this scary picture on your worksheet as a reminder that there will be dire consequences for anyone not handing it in" (The picture was of Dr Ellis growling/ looking slightly rabbit-like)
- "Slim x slim = very slim"
- Student: "What's the difference between Square and Tight layout on Microsoft Word?"
Dr Ellis: "I don't know, but they both involve dogs"
- "Diabetes is one of the fastest-growing diseases in the world... especially in fat Americans"
- "If you don't stop talking I'll confiscate those leaves!... And you can have them back at the end of the lesson"
- "Fish produce something called 'poo'"
- "GET IN"
- On a test about heating and cooling, for 0 marks "Why don't penguins get eaten by polar bears in the wild?" Someone put "Because the penguins fly away".
- (While taking someone's blood pressure, with the strap already round their arm) "It crushes the arteries and stops circulation" The girl with her blood pressure being taken looked horrified.
- "Let me introduce the Clock Of Doom. I'm going to paint it back and put a skull and crossbones on it."
- "That tie is microscopic, sort it before next time I see you"
Fishy Ones
- Dr Ellis: "All my fish are called "Bob" and "Fred""
Student: "Why do you call them Bob, Sir?"
Dr Ellis: (again, like it is the most obvious thing in the world) "Because that's what they call each other." (opens mouth like fish) "Bob Bob Bob."
- "How do you tell if a fish is female?"
- "How do you tell if a fish is pregnant?"
- "Do you think I need more fish?"
How to draw sheep
- A crash course in sheep art, by Dr Andrew Ellis
2-D Sheep
1) Cloud 2) Black head 3) 2 x legs
3-D Sheep
1) Cloud 2) Black head 3) 4 x legs 4) 1 Long tail
