Simon Kroll
Background
A well known student at BRGS, famed throughout the school. His first name has been lost in the depths of time, but is rumoured to also be Kroll indeed many students are of the belief that he has no first name or his first name is in fact Kroll. Kroll was rumoured to be responsible for the presence, as of early 2006, of a series of stickers on school premises bearing the legend "KROLL". Kroll is also particularly notable for his incredible achievement in Geography... Though the department may not acknowledge it, Kroll is probably the finest and most committed geographer ever to have studied at the school. Has a habit of getting drunk and embarrassing himself, being somewhat of a lightweight. He is commemorated twice in the Lower Common Room. Once with 'Kroll is Gay' etched into a notice board, which was subsequently covered by the staff with a poster. This led to 'Kroll is Ultra Gay' being etched into another, which was again covered by a member of staff with a poster. Both posters have since been removed (the process continues daily). Kroll recently failed to finish his Duke of Edinburgh Gold Expedition as he became ill shortly after eating a wasp on the first day. A certain Doctor of Biology thinks he had a 'delayed hyper-reaction' - other staff just thought he was 'pathetic'. Kroll also holds the BRGS Record for setting up the balls on a Pool Table. Watched by a panel consisting of Peel, Lenny and Davies he first registered a time of 13.00 seconds, before smashing it with an even faster time of 12.35 seconds. Recently, resident Frenchie, Nova, attempted to destroy Kroll's record claiming a stonking 6 seconds was possible. The record attempt was witnessed by adjudicator Davies and timed by Alex White. Embarassingly Nova had underestimated adversary Kroll and could only muster a measly time of 16 seconds, a whopping 10 seconds off his overexuberant claimed target and a full 3.25 seconds off Kroll's benchmark.
Log Fun
Yes that's right, Kroll has been known to "Get jiggy with it". The IT being a log.
Freddo Challenge
Kroll is also the holder of highest score set in the Freddo Challenge. Indeed it can be said that Kroll is the founder of the challenge, after foolishly thinking he could eat 100 Freddos. In actual fact, he proceded to munch his way through a measly 22 before feeling too sick to continue - much to the disappointment of the crowd that had gathered. People called this attempt "pathetic" and "shocking". However, after two other students attempted and failed to match his record, Kroll felt some satisfaction from his achievement.
The Book
Currently a work in progress, "A Life On The Bottle - The Simon Kroll Story" documents the life and works of Kroll, and follows his descension into alcohol induced embarrassment. The brainchild of Sam Stevens, the work sets to be released around Eastertide.
Quotes
- WHO KROLLED ME?
- Get off my ****!
- Kroll would like a biscuit
- Get OUT of my form room!
- Does she think Kroll sent it?
- GET A REAL JOB!
Sam: What do you have to say to yourself for in the morning? Kroll: Why do I do this?
Student: Where are the sheep? Kroll: They're hiding
