Mrs Sharp

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Biography

Mrs Sharp is an A-Level Computing "teacher", who occasionally participates in lower school maths lessons. For you guys who don't know Mrs Sharp, you'll find her down Waterfoot with her school CHUM Mrs Read romantically dining at lunch, frequently visiting Cordey's. She is best identified by her apparent lack of problem solving ability. When faced with a problem she will fall back into one of four pre-installed modes.

1) Consulting VisualBasic for dummies.
2) Deleting several lines of code and then saying "I'm just going to walk over..........." leaving before she finishes the sentence

3) Asking the most able member of the class she is teaching for help.
4) Saying "I'll let you have a little play with that."

However, she is still the best teacher to have at A level, for any subject. In the (5 person) A level computing class last year, there was an average of 3 members in attendance at any one point. This was made better by the flexible lesson timings, which involved 3 members (Phil Ed and Sam) walking in around 15 minutes late every lesson (Ed's record was 50 minutes late after taking an extremely fun lunchbreak at a friend's house [twice]) after having an extended lunch or break. Oh, and they always brought in food, with nothing but a smile eminating from Mrs Sharp (Although she did occasionally pester until someone gave her a piece of chewing gum). Ed still has a pair of her cable-crimpers, which he should really give back at some point =] yeah true

Quotes

  • "There's no M in Mrs. Sharp is ace"

-- UVI computing (2002 intake), on needing header information to reassemble packets to avoid anagrams of 'Mrs. Sharp is ace', which we'd (obviously) just sent over our hypothetical network

sharp: (shouting)"im not going to shout at you" "why am i shouting at you"

  • (in 8S Maths)

"You can stop staring into each other's eyes now..."

  • (in 8g IT)

(students were dancing and singing on chairs loudly) "You can come and dance for me at break time!!"

  • (in yr 8 Maths, 2000)

Sharp: "I'm watching you very closely Chris!" (pointing at Richard) Chris: "I'm over here miss" (from a completely different side of the room) Sharp: "Oh.. right.. sorry"

  • (legendary form time)
  • Wez: "I had sex with a sea turtle!"
  • Sharp: "Oh really, and where did this happen?"
  • Sharp: "WHAT'S THAT!?"

Molly: "It's a bra miss, ladies wear them."

  • Sharp [to Andrew Davies] : Oh! I expected you to have a more oriental name! - Number 1 (Top 10 Quote)


  • Sharp: "Will this work?"
  • Jonathan: "No Miss, you'll need to.."
  • Sharp: "I'll try it.... OH! It doesn't work"


  • "Look, I've taken advanced cabling courses, we need crossover..."

[several minutes of trying to make a crossover cable work when really, she needed a parallel cable] "...the server must be down"


  • Karl: "My project is about a chicken farm."
  • Sharp: "I was a chicken in a school play once....." *acts like a chicken, clucks and mimics laying an egg*


  • Dave Tatt walks into the room,
  • Sharp: [pointing at Dave] You missed your I.T. lesson at Fearns today Chris so I'm putting you on referral"
  • Dave: "What the hell are you talking about? I don't do I.T. and my name's not Chris"
  • Sharp: "I'm not listening to your excuses Chris!"


  • Sharp: "I'm definately going to do karaoke!!.... IIIISS THIS BURNING, OUR ETERNAL FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME"


(Upon teaching the class of 9S how to use Audacity, Mrs Sharp delivered a rap down the microphone to a pre-recorded drum beat)

  • "I'm in year nine and I'm doing real fine, Got my GCSE, and it's going reeeeeaaal sweet. I like IT and doing... good things......

BIDDY BUM BIDDY BUM!"

    • This rap now seems legendary amongst the 9S of 2004-5


  • "Let's play with our variables!"


(also to 9S of 04/05)

  • Sharp: "JONTY is that a rubber in your pocket??"
  • Student "...or are you just pleased to see me?"


  • Sharp: "Ok, I'll let you go early as long as you're quiet"

[Students leave "woop"ing]

  • Sharp: "Remind me next week to give those lads a refferal"


  • Upon teaching 9S of 2005-2006, now 10S 2006-2007.

Sharp: "I have had enough of your insolence, now go stand outside!

[Martyn walks out the classroom]

Sharp: "Yes you keep going, right into the middle of the hall & pray the headmaster comes past!"

30 minutes later..

Michael: "Miss can we get martyn back into the lesson now?"

Sharp: "What ? I never sent him out."

Whole form: "Yes you did!"

Sharp: "Ah ok." (goes to look outside the classroom door)

Sharp: "He isn't there. Maybe he went wandering."

Jory: "No miss you sent him to stand in the middle of the hall."

Sharp: "No i didnt, i would have remembered if i had. Actually, maybe i did.... hmm everyone get on and carry on with your websites!"

Comes back in 2 minutes with later with Martyn..

Sharp: "Ok then maybe you were right. "


  • Sharp: "Martin Log Back on NOWWW! There is still 5 minutes left."

Martin: "Miss im not logged off! Jesus Christ!!"

Sharp: "Well someone has!"

Martin: "Why are you logging off miss?"

Sharp: "I need to do for PARS!" Martin: "Sure you do!"

Sharp: "Sure i DO!!!"


  • John Byrne: "I really like that Alistair boy, he is good at magic, i like that!"

Sharp: "CALM DOWN JOHN!!!!"

Martin: "Yeah, Take a chill pill!"


  • During 8R (05/06) Timothy Bonham had a "naughty name" from her.

Tim: "miss its Tim" Sharp: "no, timothy is your naughty name!!" "Dinky"


  • Sharp: (To Adam Cronan) Come on Cronie, gimme an example!
  • [To IT Full Course GSCE Class 2006-2007]

Sharp: "For your homework this week, You must do up to the end of 06." [After 5 mins of rabble trying to negotiate with her.] Sharp: "I think I deserve some of you doing 3 *holds up 4 fingers* hours of work this week since you're so far behind."


  • Sharp: (on Access) "If you have any problems with your relationships, you come to Mrs Sharp, she'll sort them out."


  • Sharp: (re: headphones) "Can you take that off? ...Or I'm going to get my scissors out!"


  • Sharp: (in Access, again) "Cancel it! CANCEL IT! CANCEL THE WIZARD!"


  • Sharp: "You're just obsexed!" *Giggles from Year 9 GCSE class" 
Whispers: "No Miss, you are.."
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