Mr Grehan

Legend Status

First and foremost it must be said that Kev is a legend of the highest order. Look beyond the crappy jokes, his poor taste in football team and admire the solid gold guy he is.

Humorous History

• Mr Grehan is famed for his bad jokes, and used to be the undeniable "best dressed teacher in school", until Mr Haycocks cottoned on and got a waistcoat.

• Claims that he lives in London and gets up at about half 4 every morning in order to be able to make the commute to school in time.

• Owns a red Audi TT.

• Absolutely ADORES Britney Spears...

• Is willingly bald

• His favourite band is Radiohead, he has seen them 4 times!

• His second favourite is New Order, and his favourite song is Blue Monday

Quotes

"I hate free speech."

"(Valentines assembly) "...and then he died. So what is all this death for? Yes, that little four letter word...DOOR!...I mean Love!"

"Airplane is the greatest film ever"

(puts video on) "I'm not going to stop it this time." (2 seconds later video is stopped and Mr Grehan remarks "I've been there.")

"Shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted"

"Dipped his toe in the pool of reform"

"Can I have Parent's Evening appointments before 7:30, West Ham are on."

"I'm not in the business of humour... I'm in the business of wit..."

"Helped to put the final nail in the coffin of laisse faire"

"chipping away at (insert various wrong historical ideas here)"

"Imagine giving a starving man, I mean, he hasn't eaten for years; Imagine giving him the smallest bit of food, then kicking it out of his mouth when he starts chewing. This was Russia"

"Year 8 girls, they're the nastiest."

"Is that kwistle kweer?" ( thats crystal clear to all of those without the speech impediment)

Bad Jokes

(Student is yawning) "Watch out a train might go in"

(Student who does chemistry) "I loved Chemistry I was in my element... Get it?"

(student wishing to do archaeology at Uni) "Archaeology... now there's a subject with hidden depths"

"Whilst I was in the Pizza Hut near the Red Square after seeing Lenin, I made a little tower with two slices of pizza, and said to everyone, "look, it's a Lenin Tower of Pizza"

Student: "Sorry I'm late we had to take my friend to A+E, well the Minor Injuries bit anyway..."
Mr Grehan: "Minor Injuries... I suppose lots of people with headlamps and breathing difficulties were there?"

(whilst wandering along the bus with a bin bag) "Any rubbish? Oh look, it's a wanted terrorist, Bin Liner.."

(student is putting on a scarf)
Grehan: "is Al Pacino your favourite actor?" (silence) "get it?" (more silence)
(Puts scarf on student's face) "SCARF FACE!!! Get it!?! Oh my God I'm hilarious"

Student: "Oooh! I get it."
Mr. Grehan: "That penny had wings."

(talking about Louis Pastuer's influence on medicine) "He also invented the fastest type of milk, pasteurised! Pasteurised - past your eyes, very fast" Only half the class got it. And that was after it had been explained to them.

--Looks of disdain, and in some cases pure hatred, from all members of class.--

--Much ridiculing of Mr. Grehan whispered behind hands, followed by giggles.--

Mr. Grehan: "Your skates are too heavy for the ice thickness."

"Bit o' hush"

The Joke he thinks is his comic high point and wants in the Leavers' Book

(In conversation about the new pond behind the Clarke Building to some of Year 10 history set 05/06)

Student: "It won't be a pond it'll be an ashtray... I wonder if you could get a fish addicted to nicotine..."

Mr Grehan: "They are already... haven't you heard of smoked salmon... or cod...(!)"

Three minutes later...

Mr Grehan: "Halibut... get it... Hali-BUT... as in cigarette butt... oh my God that's my best joke this year... I only just thought of it... my best joke so far... write that one down... I ll be upset if that's not in the Leavers' Book..."

On the Subject of West Ham's defeat

"You can't call it fair... we should have won... hit the inside post in the last minute of extra time..."

"They said they were going to make 'FA CUP' the password for PARS this week... I told them that if they did I wouldn't be doing any registers..."

Rob Whitworth: (after Mr. G had entered the class looking slightly crestfallen, yet sporting a very short new hairstyle) "Sir, did you have a bet on that if West Ham lost the cup final you'd get your hair cut like that?"

(Sam Stevens, on the arrival of Mr.Grehan's new car...) "*cough* Midlife crisis..."

On the Subject of Airplane

"I won't stop the video this time..." (stops video) "Did you get that joke? Have you even seen this before? Oh my God... Do you want to borrow it... think of it as furthering your education..."

(stops video again) "WAIT... you didn't laugh... don't tell me you DIDN'T find it funny!! Oh my God... that was the comic point of the film and you didn't even laugh...*shakes head* are you sure you don't want to borrow it??"

It is widely reputed that the lyrics to his favourite song are '...my old man's a dustman, he wears a dustman's hat, he wears cor blimey traaaaasers, and he lives in a caaaaancil flat'

For this reason, and the fact that he is always forthcoming with advice for those less wise than him (and usually younger) he has acquired the nickname 'Uncle London'

Paranoid Gorilla

Akif Hussain 'Sir did you know the first sign of madness is having hairy palms?'

Mr. G ......checks.... "ahh i'm sane!"

Phil Howe 'Sir did you know the first sign of being a gorilla is having hairy knuckles'

Mr. G ......Checks....looks on in disbelief at his hairy knuckles. 'Philip? GET OUT!!!'