Mr Elkington

The Tale of Mr. Elkington and the Condom Head

It was a cold september lunchtime and some year 11 boys had been taking advantage of the health center in Waterfoot giving out free condoms to under 16s. The boys then proceeded to hand the sheaths out to fellow pupils. Bradley Smith, a pupil well-known for his mindless antics and practical jokes was one of the pupils handed a condom. Bradley then took it upon himself to develop a method of placing the condom over his head to just below his nose and inflating the sexual implement by blowing ferociously through his nasal passage until the condom had extended to two feet above his head. When the condom had reached maximum capacity, Bradley decided it was probably a good idea to try to get into the extension corridor, spurred on by his 'friends' shaking his head in a mindless fashion. However, when Bradley reached the doorway leading onto the extension corridor, he was met by a rather less amused, but rather more embarrassed Mr. Elkington who then ordered for the removal of the condom from the pupils head. He then walked off with the condom in his right hand (no doubt saving it for mrs. elkington) and asked an onlooking Mrs. Young who ensured that although she 'does not like discipline' also enusured that Bradley was expelled the very same day.

Quotes

• " im thinking jeans, im thinking rips... im thinking no"

Assembly

• "If you're on my board, you aren't in trouble I just need to see you"
• "Right then lets make a start" (In assembly)
• "I don't normally have to wait for you..." (in assembly)

• "I'm told nobody listens to me, so here is someone you will listen to...trying to supplant me again John?" (in assembly)

• "This is the last deadline to send in your UCAS forms."

• "I'd just like to remind you that these assemblies are a vital forum of communication"

• "Tom that was awesome."