Mr Ventress

Head Fashion

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Mr Ventress makes hand signs with his new hat on the West America Trip

What a fashionable person...

Mr Ventress is noted for his affinity for hats and occasionally, period dress. His 'deer-stalker' is probably the rarest of his hats to see, and the most common forms part of his "crème ensemblè". He sported a particularly attractive handlebar moustache in January and February 2006, its first sighting since flying the trenches of Europe in a bi-plane. Regardless of his odd sense of style, Mr Ventress is well liked throughout the school, having a reputation among staff and teachers alike for being funny yet monotonous, and usually in a good way, though occasionally not. It is an urban legend that Mr. Ventress did once have an automobile in which he used to wrap himself up with the finest of automobile outfits (leather gloves, driving goggles, starched scarf, driving sock etc) and then he would proceed to tear round the Lancastrian countryside picking up local girls at his fancy and would then have his own moustached way with them. Of course this is as yet still only a rumour.

Current Fashion

As is common knowledge, Mr. Ventress regularly changes his style of facial hair and headwear, apperently independently of both each other and his current clothing. He was last reportedly seen wearing an extended-handlebar-with-accompanying-beard moustache, his classic flat faux-straw hat, and the perennial dark green jacket to accompany the ever-popular plain red tie. Also, do beware of his morris dancer suit.

Quotes

• "Don't over-excite yourself"
• "Can anyone tell me what a muff is?" (no response from class except laughter) "It's what girls put their hands in when it's cold"
• "Delicious."

• "It's a brown suit" (Whilst talking about his Ochre suit - certainly not brown)

• Disbelieving tone... "MMMMM...."

e.g. "Sir, I need another sheet of paper."

"MMMMMMMMMM......"

• <Worst Southern States accent ever uttered by a human> <Quote from 'Of Mice and Men'>

• "So, Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee"

• "Estella was a horrid little bitch"

• "If thy wit were shit, then thy'd be constipated" (a poem he read during a lancashire dialect lesson)

• "What is Jism?"

• Shut up or I'll defenistrate you.

• "I can be a very violent person when roused...."

• You're looking very tubby today, Wez *Promptly pats Wez's belly*

• about to drink some water "im just lubricating my throat"

• "No, because you'll just go and fool around with the tossers next door" Haha, couldn't resist adding that one, could you? (Ventress has read this and told us not to add it after he said it)

• "choc chip!" instead of saying something is mint

• "GEEEEEEENNNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

• kiera is a filthy, brazen hussy!... sir!... to everyone else... she is

In Critical Thinking

• "The answer is D... No I didn't think it was that either..."

• "You've got a D, because the mark scheme said so..."

• "I don't know why you keep getting a D... All I know is that the mark scheme keeps telling me you've put the wrong answers down..."

• again Worst (female) Southern States accent ever uttered by a human - "play me some tunes, granddaddy"

• I stroked Miss Pickup's muff. She brought it in to let me stroke it.

• Ah these? These are just my scruffs!

Popular Holiday Destinations

• Dickins Land - On-par with Blobby Land.