Mr Fitton

Mr Fitton teaches Technology, more specifically Resistant Materials.

Getting To School

It is believed that Mr Fitton flies to school as he usually enters sporting a rather attractive flying jacket. Sheepskin of course, however the safety gear associated therewith (being Goggles and a Hat) remain elusive!

Of course, it is known to the more observant students of BRGS that Mr Fitton drives to school in a beaten up old Fiesta, the finish of which is mainly primer and not so much paint. This car can usually be found parked, appallingly, on the corner of Glen Road and what used to be the staff car park but is now rooms T1 and T2.

Lesson Plan

Often starting his lessons by yelling about the poor quality of quantity of coursework before using another lesson telling us what should be in each section. At the end of the lesson a new deadline would be issued on which all the coursework would be handed in exactly how he asked for it. He'd mark the work and hand it back yelling about how it wasn't what he asked for before taking another lesson to explain (again) how he wanted it done.

My GCSE coursework was completed four times over by the end of year 11!

The above series of events became fondly known as "Baby Gerald throwing a tantrum".

During a normal graphics lesson, Mr Fitton got up and announced he has to see a man next door. When he returned, some time later, his trouser's zip was down. He announced that he was as quick as possible, and the class then proceed to shout out many innuendos.

He also went a bit psycho when a student tried to cut a metal rod in the guillotine.

His Pet Peeve

Mr. Fitton has a rather unusual, illogical pet peeve. He absolutely hates it when you sit on a desk. He lectured his form group for at least 15 minutes about how you should never ever sit on a desk. He told us that it was all about health and safety. When asked why sitting on a desk (not a workbench or food tech desk) was unsafe, the best he could come up with was "it might have a nail in it".

Of course. Why would a desk in a graphics room have a nail jutting out on its surface?

"A mischief maker might have drilled it there".

Do any of you go around, when you are in plain view of the teachers, drilling nails in desks? (Furthermore, how can you drill a nail? Wouldn't you use a hammer??) And surely you look where you are about to sit before you do so? Maybe he had a bad "nail in bottom" experience when he was younger.

Fitton's Quality Products

Mr Fitton likes things. However, in his head, things are "high quality products". This becomes tiresome as every time he sees something new he analyses it as being "high quality". Even if it's stuck to your shoe.

His favourite products include

• Cups
• Biros
• Lids for biros
• Crisp storage devices
• Spoons
• Anything stackable
• Cola bottles
• His magic toolbox

His Soul

Jess handed Mr Fitton a slip of paper reading "I hearby bequeath my soul unto Jess Wylde and Danielle Mannion", which was promptly signed...

...it was a print request slip - they never check 'em - write whatever the hell you want and they'll sign it!

Beautiful Memories

"Please can I have my nut back otherwise it will be useless" (After a nut went missing, the useless object being a bolt.)

"Now you need to use the jig on this machine because it is far more acurate than doing a handjob" (class laughs for 10 mins)

"I marked the homework and have separated it in into two piles:"

(pointing at the small pile) "This is the mediocre pile."

(pointing at the large pile) "This is the crap pile. As you can see the crap pile is much larger."

• "Paramount"

• "I am livid"

• "The WOW factor"

Student:" Sir nobody does that anymore." Fitton: "I do, and I'm part of Everybody"

• (Said whenever someone is talking while he is talking) "Stop giving me the proverbial 2 fingers!"

• "This is a Squircle!"

• "Its got a nipple"

• "BLACK BIRO!!!"

• "This product (a whiteboard pen) is ergonomically designed to fit into your hand, and not into other places"

(He then proceeds to pretend to push the pen up his ass and write on the board with it)

(While he was having a stress at 10B)

"Camilla, why are you sitting there with a smirk on your face!!?"

"Because you just dribbled on the table,sir, it was funny"

"Well, uh, that is a measurement of my infuriation"

(To a class of year 8 who have produced crap homework)

"ALL OF YOU HAVE FAILED YOUR GCSE!"

• "David, have you done this bit yet? Can you tell us all how to do it?" (In IT, to -attempt-, badly, to cover up the fact he had no idea what he was doing)

• "STOP RE-INVENTING THE WHEEL!"

• (Concerning an incident where Tim couldn't find his wooden spheres)

"I have his balls! I have Tim's balls in my hand! Nice handiwork, Tim. They're quite big, neat and precise!"

• "Tom's coursework is the best because he is crap at sketching" From now on I want you all to rush your sketches.

And who could forget?

"I HATE THESE CRAPPY WHITEBOARDS!!!" *punches said whiteboard with fist*

To the tune of Monty Pythons *always look on the bright side* -- "Always cut on the waste side of the line" *class starts whistling* "If you do your work will turn out just fine" *continues whistling*

"kids in technology"..."girls in technology"..."Boys in technology"

Asking a class about hair,:

Mr F: "What is hair?"

Louis: "A living orgasm"

Mr F : "ooh yes!! *pulling non existent hair* ooh !! ummm!! yeesss!! ohhh!!!"

The Sawdust mystery

Once upon a time in a certain 9R/N 2007 tech lesson, Mr Fitton was wondering round the room, as usual trying to make it look like he was actually doing something. Then a certain pupil, noticed a handprint of sawdust on his arse! Who could have done this? We shall never know...

Plastic cups and pupils in cupboards

Mr Fitton is obsessed with plastic cups. After rabbiting on about the year 9 exam and how important it was, he decided to go on to say how a plastic cup was a point of sale display (!?). Full marks to Mr Fitton on the boredom scale for managing to make this plastic cup topic stretch for 2 lessons. He also has no interest in you when you haev been locked in the stair room behind room 60/61. All there is in that room is a hoover...the last pupil to be locked in that room in 1998...