Revision as of 22:09, 24 August 2006

Humourous History

Mr Grehan is famed for his bad jokes, and used to be the undeniable "best dressed teacher in school", until Mr Haycocks cottoned on and got a waistcoat.

Quotes

"I hate free speech."

"Airplane is the greatest film ever"

(puts video on) "I'm not going to stop it this time." 2 seconds later video is stopped and Mr Grehan remarks "I've been there."

"Shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted"

"Dipped his toe in the pool of reform"

"Can I have Parent's Evening appointments before 7:30, West Ham are on."

I'm not in the business of humour... I'm in the business of wit..." (yeah you THINK that Mr Grehan)

"Helped to put the final nail in the coffin of laisse faire"

"chipping away at (insert various wrong historical ideas here)"

Bad Jokes

(Student is yawning) "Watch out a train might go in"

(Student who does chemistry) "I loved Chemistry I was in my element... Get it?"

(student wishing to do archaeology at Uni) "Archaeology... now there's a subject with hidden depths"

"Whilst I was in the Pizza Hut near the Red Square after seeing Lenin, I made a little tower with two slices of pizza, and said to everyone, "look, it's a Lenin Tower of Pizza""

Student: "Sorry I'm late we had to take my friend to A+E, well the Minor Injuries bit anyway..."

Mr Grehan: "Minor Injuries... I suppose lots of people with headlamps and breathing difficulties were there?"

(whilst wandering along the bus with a bin bag) "Any rubbish? Oh look, it's a wanted terrorist, Bin Liner.."

(student is putting on a scarf) Grehan: "is Al Pacino your favourite actor?" (silence) "get it?" (no) (more silence) (Puts scarf on student's face) "SCARF FACE!!! get it!?! oh my God I'm hilarious"

The Joke he thinks is his comic high point and wants in the Leavers' Book

(In conversation about the new pond behind the Clarke Building)

Student: "It won't be a pond it'll be an ashtray... I wonder if you could get a fish addicted to nicotine..."

Mr Grehan: "They are already... haven't you heard of smoked salmon... or cod...(!)"

three minutes later...

Mr Grehan: "Halibut... get it... Hali-BUT... as in cigarette butt... oh my God that's my best joke this year... I only just thought of it... my best joke so far... write that one down... I ll be upset if that's not in the Leavers' Book..."

On the Subject of West Ham's defeat

"You can't call it fair... we should have won... hit the inside post in the last minute of extra time..."

"They said they were going to make 'FA CUP' the password for PARS this week... I told them that if they did I wouldn't be doing any registers..."

On the Subject of Airplane

"I won't stop the video this time..." (stops video) "Did you get that joke? Have you even seen this before? Oh my God... Do you want to borrow it... think of it as furthering your education..."

(stops video again) "WAIT... you didn't laugh... don't tell me you DIDN'T find it funny!! Oh my God... that was the comic point of the film and you didn't even laugh...*shakes head* are you sure you don't want to borrow it??"