Dr L. Arthur Robinson

Biography

Born in a distant time, Doctor Robinson (or Doc Rob, as even Mrs Helm calls him), is one of the most under-rated members of staff in the school. Everyone argues that Mr Fuller was one of the greatest teachers to ever live, but Doc Rob is almost certainly equal, if not better?

Despite doing ten times more work than anyone else in the school (and that's not to say other teachers are slackers, but he does everyone's timetables at the start of the year, random assemblies, teaches several classes in both Geography and CT, and is also second in command to Lord Morris), he never looks particularly busy, and often has time to take place in charity events such as hockey matches..

Put quite simply, his knowledge of Geography, or for that matter, ANYTHING, is superior to anyone else alive today. He can successfully give a ten minute lecture on complex Chemistry or Physics, perfectly delivered, and then state that his knowledge of these subjects is "pretty poor", despite knowing more than any student he talks to. Also, he is an absolute goldmine in terms of comedy quotes (below), and for all these reasons, and many more besides, he deserves his status as a legend of our time.

Quotes

The Classics

"Those are NOT your pens!"

"That's bloody hot!" (his response to getting burnt by a geyser in Iceland)

"Gordon Bennett!" (On colliding with a chair left in the basement corridor, which he failed to notice due to his towering height and a preoccupation with a piece of paper in his hand)

"Oh Botherations!"

"Am I right or am I right?"

"Have you done this? Say yes"

"Processeeeeees"

"I can't draw to save myself"

Dressing Down Quotes

[In a thoroughly rattly voice, at great volume] "YOU BOY!"

"Go outside and shoot yourself"

"If you think you're going UP those stairs you're very much mistaken"

"THOSE ARE THE UP STAIRS!"

In the course of lessons

"Imagine I'm the river"

"An Oxo cube is condensed cow"

"I remember that............... I must be old....." (covering History lesson)

"Awful thing... Country at a standstill... actually I liked it I got a few days off for that!" (talking to Mr Williamson about the Winter of Discontent)

"Stop complaining! These are quality Robinson Bogeys"

"And remember, Robinson's First Law is.." (they're all first laws, all 57 of them)

"Why are you holding up the sky?" (in response to people putting up their hands.. year 7 tech lesson - he was on supply)

"Oooh, it's a tampax!!" (upon finding a tampon on the floor in a yr12 CT lesson)

Expressions of Anguish

"Why won't this work?" (Clicking the wall thinking it is the interactive white board)

"WORK!" (at any electrical appliance which doesn't want to do it. Mainly because it's not turned on)

"What the Dickens?" (In response to fire-alarm soundalike)

Quotes in the course of just three cover lessons

"So what is this? No, not a snotty hanky, it's humus"

"I'm being a tree! Come on!"

"I had a Chemistry teacher who changed his sex a few years after I left"

"Unfortunately it's French"

"I'm a bit thick"

"Crummy peds"

"You've obviously heard of Cherapunji?" *blank faces* "NO??" (If you haven't by the way, it is officially the wettest place on Earth, with something like 40 feet of rain a year. See, now you know :P)

"What do you lot do in the bath? Actually I'd best not ask.."

"Homework: Go home and have a bath"

"About 4 inches.. if you prefer centimetres then it's 100mm an hour"

"Oh no! The worm's been dissolved!"

Weapon of choice

Critical Thinking mind control techniques.