John Ashton

Quotes

"Now Classssss........"

"Hydgen" (Hydrogen)

"Tertsury" (tertiary)

"Any Kestions" (Questions)

"Sorry Classs I was seduced by Anita and her cycles for several minutes" [Bor(i)n(g) Haber Cycles]

"Remember boys, in Chemistry, unlike life, size matters!"

"I know you're a girl but where's the logic in that??"

" My wife found me in bed with a blow up doll" (trying to explain a black eye...)

(Catherine pushing Ahmad to the floor in form.) "Ahmad, get off Catherine..." "She's trying to rape me, sir!" "Yea, you should be so lucky...Get up."

"Remember, Mass Spectrometers do NOT grow on trees."

"No you stupid girl!! That's wrong!"

"I asked for one word, not two!"

"What came first, the chicken or the egg?" (Pupil: The egg, sir) "Oh...well...alright then..."

"So Amy... are you going to Rachel's party on Saturday?" ... "Yeah as a sailor" ... "Oh what you going as then a sexy nun? I can just imagine you as that..."

Ashton: "Is that chewing gum in your mouth?"

Student: "Yes sir.."

Ashton: "Do you like to chew?"

Student: "I like the mintiness."

Ashton: "Well I like lying in the sun on a warm day like today, but we all have responsibilites!"

Student: *has the hiccups*

Ashton: "Close your eyes, hold your breath and think of sardines!"

Student: *Does it* "But how does that -"

Ashton: "Do you have the hiccups now?"

Student: "No but -"

Ashton: "Exactly!"

Student: *Is talking to mates*

Ashton: "If this is so easy that you don't need to pay attention, why don't you come up and answer this equation?"

Student: *gets up and answers it right*

Ashton: "I'll get you next time!"

"SWIVEL!!"

Two students have written a song in their jotter about Mr Ashton:

I am the monkey man,

I come from in the trees,

And I can swing. [What can you swing?]

I can swing on vines!

Loincloth loincloth loincloth groin,

loincloth groin,

loincloth groin..

[etc etc]

Ashton: *Walks past and picks up the jotter where there are supposed to be some answers for questions.*

Students: "NO SIR THEY ARE IN THE BACK!!

===============================================================================================

Mr Ashton is an OK teacher, He thinks that he is hilarious. If you are being noisy then he will just clap his hands or just hit something with something. If thier is a word that you think he won't know the meaning then ask him what it means...Just do it.

Martin

Moves

Watching him trying to be "cool" at speech night was hilarious, waving his arms round and saying "yo" after some prompting from Raveglia..

• makes Phones 4 U style hand gesture* "Innit? Oh, no, that's a phone innit?"