James Lendrum

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James looking happy, and not without reason!
Full Name: James 'Lenny' Lendrum

Hobbies: Making business cards and fiddling with a picture of himself set on a background blue curtains

Known Aliases: James, Lenny, Lenster, Lennerd, Lynard, Lenboy, Lenrod, Lendroid, Lendy, Lendizzle, Lenshizzle, Lenundrum, Lenmeister, That-guy-from-the-Kooks, Bob Dylenny, Melvyn, Melvynator, Melman, "OI! HAIRY FREAK!", Captain Jean-Luc Lennard(?).

Shorterned version of his dictionary definition: Complete Legend

Self-Proclaimed Titles: The Ineffable Lenny, The Mighty Bouf

The underlined word often changes depending on Lennys mood. He sometimes also changes his "name" - The Ineffable Suit (work experience), Nose (random). His various adjectives have been:

  • The Ineffable Lenny
  • The Infallible Lenny
  • The Inflatable Lenny
  • The Inflammable Lenny
  • The Inedible Lenny
  • The Inaudible Lenny

As can be seen, these adjectives follow the pattern of in- words.

The Mighty Bouf, should you not know, refers to Lenny's afro-like hair, and is a reference to the TV program "The Mighty Boosh". Though no-one knows why this is so.

Lenny - The Man Behind the Legend

Said to be the lead singer from The Kooks, Lenny is well-renowned for his curly locks, often recalling the event in manchester where some member of the public shouted, "Hey! Look everybody! It's that guy from the Kooks!" while peacefully shopping in GAME.

A Legend in his own right, Lenny has been known as "Lenny" to the masses for a relatively short amount of time. He insists that he has been known as "Lenny" since he was about 6, but no-one believes him. Most people had never heard of Lenny until after Year 9 camp. In fact he fondly rattles off various anecdotes in which people hear him being called Lenny and reply "You mean you're Lenny?! I thought you were James Lendrum!" or vice versa. He once had someone tell him they thought that James Lendrum and Lenny were two completely different people... and neither of them him!

It seems that from around the start of Year 10 he took off and soon became the infamous little scamp he is today.

As will be discussed in this article Lenny is well-known for various things including his hair, his sites, his books, his complete inability to play Pool, and the fact that he scares not one, not two, but at least a small handful of people... oh! And his love of hats.

Hats off to the Master!

The picture that started it all!
Lennys love for hats started after he took a picture of himself instead of revising for his Physics mock (consequently, he only scored 84%).

He eventually began doctoring this picture in his favourite image ediotr - Macromedia Fireworks.

Starting with only a few hats - a fishermans, and a green bowler hat perched precariously on his solid mass of hair - this soon expanded into the 17 or so we know today, with more being added all the time. They can all be viewed on his highly successful website, which we will touch upon at a later stage.

Due to popular request, a list of the more famous hats has been compiled, and Lenny has added the photos to his Myspace:

  • Fishing Hat Lenny
  • Green Bowler Lenny
  • Pope Lenny (complete with staff)
  • Pimp Lenny (with hat, starry glasses and green, furry coat)
  • Diving Helmet Lenny
  • Two Pirate hats (with a parrot and eyepatch)
  • Santa Clens
  • Psychotic Lenny (complete with Chainsaw)
  • Clown Lenny (he may be allergic to face paint, but that doesn't stop him... he looks quite scary actually)
  • Viking Lenny

To Pot or not to Pot, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the Slinger and arrows of outrageous fluke shots...

Lenny on the recent BRGS Pink Day. Notice the angle of the hat...
Sixth Form has so far been kind to Lenny. Not only does he fit in perfectly with the friendly and slightly mad Lower Sixth crew (see Kroll and Heskey), but he has already proven himself a Pool-Shark, albeit a rather bad one. Often he can be found potting 3 or 4 balls off the break in a superb run, before sinking suddenly into a pit of skilllessness, as if he had been successfully navigating his way down a green, furry shopping street before suddenly falling into the deep, dark abyss of a pocket-like manhole. Occassionally he pops back up onto the shopping street with a miraculous pot of unrivalled skill... then falling back into another open manhole.

Off the table, however, Lenny has knowledge of the game second only to most of the Pool-Crew. Often livening up a game with general advice, arguing with the other onlookers on whether you should have two shots on the black, or by just shouting "DOUBLE IT!! Tss! If you'd have doubled it it would have gone in!". LENNY SHOULD STOP DOING THIS BEFORE TOM MULDERRIG SNAPS AND KILLS HIM. THIS IS NO JOKE. TOM MULDERRIG IS NOT KNOW FOR HIS HUMOUR, ONLY HIS MURDEROUS RAGE.

To say he is so bad, he has actually won some games:

  • Beating James Whish once in a doubles match
  • Beating Rob Shepherd once in a doubles match
  • Beating Liam Collopy... by default
  • Beating Dom Lord twice on the trot (one was by default), and twice more pretty recently (only one by default)
  • Beating Joe Burrows three times! (albeit all by default)

Yeah, not the best of records, but he's managed to beat 3 whole people by playing and winning properly. Good on him.

His losses, however, are to numerous to number. Some of the most memorable are:

  • Being beaten by Johnathan Haworth 18 times in a row (he kep potting the black whilst Lenny cleared up his balls still on the table)
  • 7-balled twice in a row by Johnathan Haworth as he tried to smash is record of 18 (reaching only 16)

Lenny also had a hand in Kroll setting the record for racking.

Lenny is currently taking part in the Lower Sixth Pool Doubles Tournament with partner Rob Pilling(poor Rob). He has odds of 100:1 on him winning - something that has already been taken advantage of by several students. The bookies have so far taken in nearly £2 of bets on Lenny. Should he win, they will all be broke.

So far Lenny and Rob have played two games... losing both.

The first was against Chris Salford and Tasha - a very close game, starting with a lot of turns on the break, before ending with a lot of turns on the black. Tasha eventually put the spectators out of their misery, potting the black and winning the game.

The second was against Ed Sargeant and Sean Moxham (though Sean didn't turn up) - Eddie started with an amazing break, potting two of each colour. Every single shot afterwards saw a ball feakily dropping into a pocket. This was kind of bemusing as Eddie pointed the cue at the white ball, and hit as hard as he coukd. Rob eventually potted the black with a great cannon, losing the game.

Quite recently, Lenny beat not only Adam McGuinness properly, but also Joe Burrows in a nail-biting match that saw Joe miss the black time and time again - it eventually came to rest over a pocket and Leny potted it with all the style and finesse the pro's display but Lenny lacks. This brings his total of matches not won by default to 6. Keep it up Lenny, you'll soon hit double fiugres!

Never Fear! Lenny's Hair is Here!

One of Lenny's main points of reference is his unkempt hair. Like a painting with a tree stuck in the middle making people instantly look at it, the hair of our subject sticks out like sore thumb in a tub of drawing pins.

It has been hypothesised that, similar to Bob Marley's hair, Lenny has various different species of animal (many undiscovered species), ranging from spider to vole to tribe of Albino Pygmies, that call it home.

The hair has often been the source of many comments and wilful looks. He has been asked whether it is natural (110%), when he last had a hair cut (six weeks ago - but only a trim. Not a proper one for nearly a year), what he would look like with it all shaved off (daft) and, most importantly, whether he is the lead singer from popular band The Kooks (sadly, no).

During one Jazz Band rehearsal in 2005 he accessorised his headfounded wonder with his sister's green hairband, and instantly grew another few inches, as well as looking considerably more presentable. A photo was taken, and is being actively sought to demonstrate the amazing transformation.

Let me spell it out for you

Unbeknownst to many, Lenny (hey! That rhymes!) is not only a avid reader and lover of the written word, but also a writer, with over 30 ideas for books (many in the process of being started). Most of these books are set in Lenny's fictional world - Muldrum. More about these can be found on Lenny's main site (The Ineffable Lenny), and soon on his The Worlds of Muldrum site.

Unfortunately Lenny keeps a lot of his works hidden on his computer, allowing only a few people to read them.


Lenny's most prized series of books go under the collective name of "The Worlds of Muldrum". These books are set on 7 fictional worlds, deep in the cosmos, watched over by the Higher Powers - 'Gods' who left the worlds shortly after creation. Very few have since been seen and, in the modern ages of the various Worlds, it is thought that the Gods did not exist at all, and were rather a myth created by old Wise Men to prove a point.

The seven worlds of Muldrum are as follows:

  • Aluirian
  • Escalote
  • Klomar
  • Lehgard
  • Neuropia
  • Quymaj
  • San Breano

All worlds are spherical planets - apart from San Breano which is a disc-shaped desert, orbiting the main Sun and orbited by three Suns and two moons.

Each world has it's own characteristics - with Escalote being a land of fairytales, Aluirian being linked with magic, Klomar being one big snowball, Neuropia a bowl of water with a few chains of islands here and there, Lehgard being completely covered in Rainforest, and Quymaj being radioactive wasteland.

The (so far 31) books of Muldrum are set on separate planets, with one or two spanning the gaps between them all. Some of the books are one of a trilogy, and there is even a series of 5 books on one subject, and a trilogy of trilogies within the collective "Worlds of Muldrum".

Non-Series Books

Lenny's so-called "Non-Series Books" all take place either on our own planet, or on a planet deep in space. These books include yet to be written classics such as Speed Freaks 1 and 2, Girl, Voyage to Vegiton and War Against Vegiton, The Heaven and Hell War, Snow-White Conspiracies, Fear of Staplers and The McDuff Quartet.

So far, none of these books have been written and are, at this moment in time, naught but scraps of paper pinned mercilessly to Lenny's corkboard.

However, I am sure that he will explain one or two of them to you should you ask nicely.

Favourite Authors

Being a fan of the written word convinced Lenny that he wanted to be an author.

As can be guessed by his styles of writing, he is a fan of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, however his favourite book is a little known novel be a German chap called Walter Moers. This book, described as "everything a book should be - intelligent, romantic, adventurous, action-packed" is none other than Rumo.

Lenny's favourite authors are:

  • Terry Pratchet (His Discworld novels, and everything else for that matter).
  • Terry Goodkind (Sword of Truth series).
  • L.E Modesitt Jr. (Anything to do with Recluse).
  • Robin Hobb (And her series to do with FitzChivalry Farseer, and Nevare Burvelle).
  • Douglas Adams (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy).
  • Anthony Horowitz (Everything).
  • Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl).
  • Walter Moers (Anything set on Zamonia).

Sadly, many of these authors are not known outside some circles, and so Lenny has no-one to talk to about them

The site of all things groovy

Known to many, Lenny (I'm a poet and I didn't have a clue) has his own website, and has had for at least 2 years, with his own highly-popular 'Digibrain' page a year or so before. However, not many people know that Lenny has more than one site. In his time he has had no les then 7 sites.

The site that everyone knows is "The Ineffable Lenny" (see link at bottom of page). This site has a general About Lenny page, and various tings that Lenny adds to every fortnight. These include a page of his favourite links, some random things he has found on the internet and come up with himself and, of course, his controversially popular "The [Four] Books of Lenny". These 10 books follow the Prophet Lenny on his joke-telling journeys around Escalote (one of the worlds of Muldrum).

At the original time of writing, Lenny is redesigning his three main sites stating in a Myspace Bulletin that:

"Some of you may be wondering what on earth has happened to the site. Some of you may be asking why it hasn't been updated in over a month. Some of you could be seething at the thought that I think you care. . . . The main point is that The Ineffable Lenny, The Worlds of Muldrum and Lenco. Productions UK Ltd (yes, three of them!!) are all being redesigned. That's right, I've decided to throw myself in at the deep end and redesign each one comepletely from scratch. That means no templates, no adapting code for my own use and I get to play with CSS! Yay! . . . Talking about CSS, I might have 3 or 4 colour schemes for each site that you can change with the click of a button, and a menu system that you can change. . . . I'll even make some new Lenny cards."

UPDATE: As of today (26th November 2006), one of the three sites has been completely finished: The Ineffable Lenny. You It still works on every monitor resolution (from your Grannies 800x600 monitor to Lenny's 1440x900 beast), and on the four major browser - IE, FireFox, Opera and Maxthon. You can also view the site in 5 different colours: Red, Blue, Green, Purple and Yellow. In Lenny's opinion, red looks the best, but if you prefer to make your eyes weep blood, then by all means use the yellow colour scheme. And, by the miracle of cookies, the scheme you choose will stay with you on every page you visit (until you clear your history).

Flash me once, I'm the fool. Flash me twice, you're the fool. Flash me three times and I'll bash your head in!

Lenny is well known for making Flash animations. One such animation is his overnight hit: "Mrs Weir vs the Photocopiers: Round 1", officially called "Rage against the Machine". A brief summary of the animation can be found on the Mrs Weir page. For a more, in-depth explanation, just go to the [website] or the Rage Against the Machine Wiki page.

However, Lenny does not only do Flash animations of Mrs Weir, ho no. With 10 animations under his belt, he will now do nearly anything.

His portfolio, so far, shows examples of one-off madness (Randuin in "where's that damn 'a' got to?"), Sick Love (Stick People in "valentine's confessions") and a series based on a clan of Halo players. Be assured that hilarity ensues in most of his animations.

He has recently been commissioned to make two more animations - one of Michael Nielsen about his newest piece of artwork, and at least one more Mrs Weir animation with, of course, the photocopiers.

He was also recently approached about the BRGS Staff Wars animations, but nothing has been said about it yet.

To see Lenny's animations visit his animation page on his website (a link to the site is at the bottom of the page).

Today (28th Nov 06), Lenny decided on the second animation in the BRGS Animated Series. This will feature Mr Ashton as the key figure (what is it with Lenny and Chemistry teachers?), and will see him having to cope with a class full of miscreants during a Chemistry lesson in Rm 1.

No exploding photocopiers this time, just some good old humour. Though Mrs Weir and the Photocopiers are slated to make a cameo appearance.

Watch this space.

The Hills are alive, with the Sounds of Muu-siiic

Known to only a few, Lenny is quite the musical genius. He doesn't play just one instrument, nor two, but quite a host (some a lot better than others). So far he has shown his skill on:

  • Trumpet (his main instrument, with which he has achieved Gr. 6)
  • Viledin (otherwise known as the Violin, on which he achieved Gr. 1)
  • Clarinet (no grades done, but as it is in Bb Lenny can play it)
  • Piano (he says he is in the middle of composing a nice piece for the Piano)
  • Guitar (left-handed, naturally)
  • Recorder (but who can't?)

He has also tried playing a Slide Trumpet (similar to a Trombone, but smaller), and was able to pick it up quite quickly.

He also assures us that if given a Brass instrument with valves he could play it... but then again, any Brass player (excepting Trombonists) could play any given Brass instrument as long as it had valves. One exception to this rule, however, may by the French Horn.

As well as his obvious skill with instruments, Lenny loves his music. Accused of liking Indie too much, Lenny just laughed and plugged his ear-phones back into his ears. However, he likes various other genres of Music such as Alternative, Prog. Rock (Muse), and, well, other.

Some of his favourite bands include:

  • Muse
  • The Holloways
  • Larrikin Love
  • The Fratellis
  • Boy Kill Boy
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • The Libertines
  • Dirty Pretty Things
  • Babyshambles

And many others. A full-ish list can be found on his Myspace profile.

Random Facts and Figures

Although known by many, Lenny (I've done it again!) is still a mystery. One such question left unanswered is, "How tall is he without his hair?" or "He's never seemed to take an interest in Girls. Is he gay?"

In answer to these:

  • Without his hair which, along with his head, weighs 3kgs (yes, he weighed it for me) Lenny is 174cm tall. Which is about 5' 8". With his hair, Lenny shoots up to over 6' - his hair clocking in at an amazing 6 inches long.
  • No Lenny is not gay. He does, in fact, like a girl a lot. He will not tell me her name, sadly, but says he's liked her since Yr. 9 camp - that's over 2 and a half years! Talk about a crush. It was once suggested that he be proactive about telling her, but even if he did the general populous wouldn't be likely to hear about it (unless it went horribly wrong, as so often these things do); solid facts are unobtainable by the layperson due to their (obvious) ineffable nature.
  • Lenny has only ever been known to resort to an act of violence once in his whole life (not counting the death count of 24 he has clocked up with his bone-crunching ability on the football field), and that was against Aden Woodall in a game of innocent cards. James Lendrum lost the game, Aden celebrated and Lenny got mad. Before he knew it, Lenny had thumped Aden around his head. That was one truly extraordinary day at BRGS.


In his time, Lenny has come out with some crackin' corkers. Here are but a few:

  • So I says to Maybel I says, "I must slip out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini!"
  • All work and no play make Jack a rich boy (rich being at a higher pitch than the other words)
  • The proof of the pudding is the box it came in.
  • People in stone houses should not throw glasses.
  • If at first you don't succeed, well, so much for skydiving.
  • (In a recent History lesson) I've got some George Formby on my MP3... I shouldn't be admitting this.
  • (In the first German lesson of year 10, after being volunteered by his best mate to answer a question) You WORM!!! *Screaching Girls laughter*

Links and References

Lenny's sites can be found at:

Lenny's Myspace can be found at:

His Mrs Weir animation can be found at: